The sons of former Everton star Gary Speed have detailed the pain caused by the loss of their dad for the first time.
Ed and Tommy Speed still have questions over the death of the popular midfielder, who was found hanged at the family home.
But they have come to terms with the fact there was nothing they could do to prevent the tragedy.
The brothers revealed the devastation caused by their dad's death in a new book by BBC presenter Dan Walker.
Ed - who was just 14 at the time - said he "vividly" recalled the moment his mum discovered Gary in the garage.
He said: “I ran downstairs and she was struggling to breathe and talk. You know, you don’t want to see your mum like that. No one does.
“She was just in shock. She told me not to look in the garage but... it still haunts me what I saw... dad suffering like that.”
He added: "It was just so unexpected. A complete and utter shock."
Tommy is now studying business management, and playing football, at Adelphi University in New York, the Daily Star reports.
He said: “I still ask questions. We both still ask those questions. We’d be mad not to.
“Did he know how much suffering he would leave? Did he think about how many lives he was turning upside down?
“I felt really sad for two years after he died, but I have come to learn that there is nothing we could do.”
Ed told Mr Walker his dad was not suffering from depression before his death at the family home near Chester in November 2011.
He said: “He wasn’t depressed. There was just something in his brain. I have always said I can’t quite put my finger on it.
“Dad had the perfect life, but something was going on, or something happened and, for whatever reason, he didn’t look for help.
“That wasn’t him. He would always talk about things but, when it came down to it, he didn’t and I don’t know why.
“I can’t explain it now because he just had so much to look forward to.”
Mr Walker was one of the last people to see Gary alive, hosting Football Focus with Speed alongside his former Leeds United team-mate Gary McAllister.
In the book, Remarkable People: Extraordinary Stories of Everyday Lives, he said: “I have been over that Saturday morning with Gary thousands of times in my head.
“I have woken up in the middle of the night on many occasions. I have been driving down the M1 or up the M6 and missed my junction.
“I have pored over everything that was said before, during and after that show.”
The inquest into Gary's death recorded a narrative verdict, with the coroner saying the football star may not have intended to kill himself.
His widow Louise said his job had put strain on their marriage and told how they had a row the night before he was found dead.
Four days earlier he sent his wife a text talking “in terms of taking his life”, the hearing was told.
