Gucci Mane feat. Usher – Spotlight
Gucci Mane can afford to share the "spotlight" for this track, as he's currently in jail. Following the likes of Mystikal, T.I and Shyne, the Atlanta rapper is releasing a UK single from behind bars after being locked up late last year for violating probation. But this isn't some heartfelt cell confessional. Thanks to Usher, the smooth chorus doesn't differentiate it from a Chris Brown album track and the idiosyncratic flair Gucci displays in his remix work seems to have been locked away too.
Various – Everybody Hurts
I'm going to channel Louis Walsh, confused slur and all, and say: "bad song choice Simon". Instead of reaching for our wallets we're shedding a tear at the thought of G4 struggling to use microphones and Diana Vickers' braving bare feet in a studio that's 95% lethal perspex. This disaster footage-filled weepie does nothing more than reduce hard news to a piece of reality show filler and makes us feel a bit nostalgic for the good old days when these pop stars didn't have to handle the weight of being saviours of the world. Oh for the simple mid-show montage where we learn that Susan Boyle is a virgin, JLS love their mams and Joe Mcelderry used to be fat. Everybody should go here and donate some money knowing you'll be giving without giving these poor dabs all that stress.
The Soft Pack – C'mon
In less controversial single news, here's The Soft Pack with a song allegedly inspired by a guy eating popcorn at a carnival. And you certainly can't have too many of them. Perfect for shouting on the wurlitzers, C'mon comes in at under three minutes, has a more-ish chorus and takes a quick jab at the US army along the way. Put simply, we haven't enjoyed the band's work this much since they were called The Muslims. Which, come to think of it, was also something of a controversial statement. Whatever happened to just singing songs?
The Maccabees feat. Roots Manuva – Empty Vessels
First we had Run DMC and Aerosmith. Then we had Jay-Z and, er, Linkin Park. Now comes UK hero Roots Manuva and, ummm, The Maccabees. Rap-rock seems to be operating by the law of diminishing returns here. Anyway, the unedited version of this didn't so much burst out of London as get stuck in a student disco someone near Slough, which is probably why they've spruced it up just in time for their NME tour with the Big Pink, the Drums and some other indie band or other. Roots' bit is all right if you like your rap dark, moody and a little bit breathy but it would be a lot better without the crayola-coloured five-piece screeching away in the background. "If you've got no kinds words to say, you should say nothing more at all," sings Orlando Maccabee. Okay.
Esben and The Witch – Lucia, at the Precipice
Since being duped by Florence and the Marinas we're a bit suspicious of anything boasting an "and the". You just never know where you are with them. Are they a band? Is it a man? Is it a cleverly marketed super trend? In this case it's the former. Esben and the Witch are a trio from Brighton making ethereal pop in the mould of folkies like, say, Espers' Meg Baird. There are understated but gorgeous vocal bits courtesy of Rachel Davies and one of the blokes manages to whinge spookily in the background. Hardly life-changing, but it's a glitchy pop track that we wouldn't mind listening to when we're feeling moody, melancholy or just a bit sad. As JLS could no doubt tell you, everybody hurts, sometimes.
