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Daily Record
Daily Record
Annie Brown

Something must end this 12 years apocalypse of Tory leadership

When North American rat snakes get stressed they eat themselves to death – just like the Tory party is now, if Tories had spines.

This fascinating nature nugget is found on the same reptile info site which answers the ­question: “Can a snake fart?”

No need to look it up, we know snakes do indeed fart – every time Nadine Dorries speaks.

We can but watch from the sidelines as this parcel of rogues haggle over the leadership of our nation.

All it would take is the Cabinet resignation of a kingmaker like Rishi Sunak and Boris Johnson would be gone but so what?

Prime Minister Boris Johnson survived a confidence vote in his leadership (PA)

If potential contenders Sunak or Jeremy Hunt wrestled the leadership from Johnson, the food bank queues would still be growing.

Hunt hates Johnson and I know they say enemies of enemies are friends but I draw a line at a man who lives up to the rhyming slang.

He tweeted that if the party didn’t oust Johnson, the Tories would lose the next election.

By which logic, you stick in there Boris, you talented scarecrow with the oratory flair of Churchill on magic mushrooms.

Dorries would be devastated if Hunt became leader, which admittedly would be satisfying. She bit into Hunt this week with all the chutzpah of that time she ate an ostrich anus on I’m a Celebrity.

She called him “duplicitous”, blaming the former health secretary for the Government’s “inadequate” pandemic planning.

Yes folks, confirmation from Johnson’s own fan girl, the Tories handled Covid with all the dexterity of a watchmaker wearing mittens.

Dear Dorries, the Gerald Ratner of the Tory party, except the “total crap” he was selling didn’t cost us the country.

There is a saying – a change of rulers is the joy of fools – and we should probably be hoping Johnson stays on if it means the Tories lose the next election.

Something must end this 12 years apocalypse of Tory rule and if anyone can screw it up surely it’s Johnson.

Although, despite predictions of the Red Wall crumbling there appears an infinite number of Brummies willing to go on the telly to say Johnson has done a great job.

In the last two days, a steady stream of ghastly Tories have also been rolled out to defend or decry him and not a principle between t hem.

The same old garbage is recycled in every interview and it is always honking.

The cost of living crisis is ignored while they remind us unemployment is low with no mention of the over-employed, juggling three jobs so they can eat.

And thanks to Brexit, you can now spend your holidays getting piles sitting on an airport floor because all the Eastern Europeans who ran the place have gone.

Such is the desperation to train staff up, Pam from duty free will soon be driving the tow truck to drag all the empty jumbos back to the hanger.

Jacob Rees-Mogg shed his skin to speak up for Johnson on the BBC but it was tricky to hear him over Victoria Derbyshire exclaiming: “Are you really saying that with a straight face?”

He declared the Prime Minister would still be a winner even if he only won by one vote.

This was despite him skewering Theresa May like a lamb shish after her no-confidence vote.

When 37 per cent of her MPs voted no confidence in 2018, Rees-Mogg claimed it was “a terrible result” for her and “she ought to go and see the Queen urgently and resign.”

But he told Derbyshire he now felt remorse for being an “ungracious” person, which is ­ridiculous, as no way is Rees Mogg a person.

As the saga continues, all we know is that whoever survives the Tory party’s current self-cannibalising is still going to be a cold blooded, slithery rat snake.

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