FIVERNOMICS
If you want a copy of today’s Big Paper, it is available from your nearest newsagent (unless already sold out, which is obviously a risk) for £2. If you want a copy of yesterday’s Big Paper, it might be available for free from a recycling bin near you. This is how newspapernomics works. Yesterday’s news, with today’s date on it, has value; two-day-old news has less. Still, if you don’t mind older news, it is possible to save a lot of money on your newspapers. Or consider a supermarket ready meal. When factory-fresh it would cost, say, £4.95. But it has a use-by date upon it, and as this date approaches the supermarket might have to compromise on its price. This is how readymealonomics works. Still, if you don’t mind wilting spinach, it is possible to save a lot of money on your ready meals.
Now consider Alexis Sánchez and his expiring contract for a moment as some kind of footballing, dog-owning, strop-throwing sportspaper-slash-ready-meal hybrid. Time moves slowly in this world – they don’t publish a new Sánchez every day – but still, there is no stopping it. So if you wanted a Sánchez six months ago you would have had to go to the one outlet with a Sánchez in stock and pay them £60m. But soon he will be out of date, and they will have no option but to put him in the recycling bin for anyone to take, so now he’s available at half price. But there is no money being saved here, because Sánchez wants it. All of it. And also a bit more.
This is one strange, befuddling market. Traditional transactions involve a buyer giving money to a seller in exchange for a thing. The Sánchez deal involves a buyer giving money to a seller in exchange for a thing, which also wants a load of money for itself. It is like a plucked and trussed Tesco chicken breaking out of its plastic wrapping at the checkout till and demanding a cut of the deal – and a bit more for its agent – before it submits itself for roasting. This is not just physically impossible but also morally and theoretically revolting.
As it stands José Mourinho is the only man not put off by this bewildering market-perversion. He still wants a Sánchez, and doesn’t really care where the money goes – at least not so long as Henrik Mkhitaryan does too. Last we heard he was “not confident but also not … what’s the opposite?” of making it happen. “We have a feeling he can stay there, but also a feeling he can move,” he added, helpfully. So there is no real news yet, but there must be soon. Sánchez’s use-by date is approaching fast, and the spinach – though not our interest, or the cost – is wilting.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“It’s fine because I was on vacation for seven months” – Carlos Tevez rejoins Boca Juniors by revealing just how much effort he put into justifying being one of the highest-paid footballers in history at Shanghai Shenhua.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
David Squires pays tribute to the late Cyrille Regis.
SUPPORT THE GUARDIAN
Producing the Guardian’s thoughtful, in-depth journalism – the stuff not normally found in this email, obviously – is expensive, but supporting us isn’t. If you value our journalism, please support us by making a one-off or recurring contribution.
FIVER LETTERS
“I can’t seem to find The Fiver on the front page of new-look Big Website. Please tell the designers to keep up the good work” – Alex Hendrikson [just to the left of sport container on UK desktop front. Commiserations – Fiver Ed].
“Leafing through the travel section of a US newspaper, a quaint piece on Edinburgh caught my attention. The article featured a photo of the delightfully named Firth of Forth in the distance. The alliteration made me wonder how the Edinburgh clubs are doing in the Scottish Premiership. Not having followed recent results very closely, I wondered if they could really be in fifth or fourth. Much to my delight, when I looked at the table I discovered I was only partly right” – Peter Oh.
“Great news on Ryan Giggs’s new Wales job. Any news on who is going to cover for him when they play friendlies?” – Andrew Tate (and 1,056 others).
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Peter Oh.
THE RECAP
Get the best of Big Website’s coverage sent direct to your inbox every Friday lunchtime (GMT). Has the added bonus of being on time. Sign up here.
BITS AND BOBS
Jürgen Klopp’s toss-a-coin-to-select-this-week’s-error-prone-keeper policy at Liverpool is doing Simon Mignolet’s head in. “I’m 30 years old and the World Cup is coming. This situation can not last too long, that’s clear,” he blathered.
Ambitious Paul Lambert says he doesn’t care that he was behind Quique Sánchez Flores, Gary Rowett, Martin O’Neill, Granny Fiver and Wee Jimmy Krankie on the Stoke shortlist. “It didn’t matter if I was 15th choice – I’m delighted to be here,” he cheered.
Arsenal’s Theo Walcott will become Everton’s £20m Theo Walcott if he successfully coughs for the doctor and does a few star jumps without exploding.
Meanwhile, Arsenal are hoping Borussia Dortmund’s Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang could fill the Theo Walcott-shap … whoops … Alexis Sánchez-shaped hole at the club after holding productive chats with Dortmund suits.
New Wales manager Ryan Giggs sought the help of a psychologist to deal with his departure from Manchester United. “It opens your eyes that there is a big world out there other than football,” he said.
In another triumph for decision-making, Phil Neville, who has never managed a men’s football team and has a total lack of experience in the women’s game, is on the verge of being appointed as the England women’s team’s new boss.
Merseyside police say an investigation into the Liverpool mayor’s claims that there may have been fraud involved in Ross Barkley’s transfer between Everton and Chelsea has found no evidence of wrongdoing.
Graham Westley is back in the game, baby, after being brought in as head coach at National League-bound Barnet.
Blackpool have a new chief executive … 24-year-old Sam Oyston.
And Nantes defender Diego Carlos has had his red card against PSG overturned after ref Tony Chapron apologised for trying to kick him and sending him off. Chapron faces a disciplinary hearing from French league suits and has been stood down “until further notice”.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Get your ears around the latest edition of Football Weekly.
STILL WANT MORE?
“By changing football, he changed the country”: readers offer their tributes to Cyrille Regis.
Italy is a land of opportunity for Women’s Super League players, reports Suzanne Wrack.
Norn Iron Nil boss Michael O’Neill must decide whether to stick or twist when the Scottish FA comes knocking, writes Ewan Murray.
Stop chuckling at Stoke, Ambitious Paul may not be a s€xy name but his CV suggests survival, reckons Paul MacInnes.
Don’t write off players and managers in this season of comebacks, warns Martin Laurence.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
