All week, we have been listening to dire warnings from meteorologists of big storms and heavy rains, countered by Bangkok officials reassuring us everything is under control and the Big Mango won't sink without a trace.
October is traditionally the time when the City of Angels transforms into the City of Soggy Socks, although as usual it's the poor people in the provinces that are suffering by far the worst of the floods.
But it is the city folks who make the most noise. At the time of writing, it has actually been quite dry by October standards, but I suspect Mother Nature has got something damp up her sleeve.
Last weekend, of course, much of the city was hit with predictable scenes of chaos. Despite reassurances it won't happen again, there is a strong sense of foreboding and some of the more vulnerable housing estates look more like Moo Baan Sandbag.
Floods don't discriminate. It doesn't matter who you are -- there's always a chance you might suffer from soggy socks. It has a nasty habit of happening when you are on your way to a formal function and you have to stand there indulging in polite conversation with important people while trying not to make undignified squelching noises with your feet.
Pratunam plunge
You certainly have to watch your step when it floods as you can never be quite sure unpleasant things you are treading on. Reports that crocodiles have escaped during recent inundations have hardly inspired confidence about stepping forth into the murky waters.
Some years ago I was at Pratunam market with a colleague one night and it was totally awash after a storm. My colleague went off to take a leak, but returned absolutely drenched despite the rain having stopped.
It turned out the floodwaters had hidden an open drain and he had inadvertently plunged into it up to his neck.
His response was to order another beer. Just another night in Bangkok.
Come rain or come shine
We should mention the dear old umbrella. Apart from its main function of poking people in the eye, the umbrella can be used as both protection from the rain or sun, although admittedly you never see anyone in Britain put up a brolly when the sun comes out.
If you did, people would think you were barking mad. In Thailand, umbrellas are fine for light showers but the ferocity of many tropical storms renders them of little use.
You will still become soaking wet even with a brolly and probably get blown halfway down the street like Mary Poppins in the process.
Umbrellas are something of an enigma in that although they are useful, lugging them around is a pain and they can be easily lost.
Perhaps we should treat them with more respect. More than 10,000 brollies are lost each year on London Transport alone. I dread to think how many I have mislaid in Bangkok.
Charge of the Brolly Brigade
Umbrellas show up in the most unusual places. One of the strangest sights was during the Peninsular War in the early 19th century when many British officers, including those on horseback, were spotted putting up umbrellas on the battlefield when it started raining.
This did not go down too well with the commander of the troops, the Duke of Wellington. He issued orders that "Lord Wellington does not approve of the use of umbrellas during the enemy's firing". He called the appearance of umbrellas on the battlefield "not only ridiculous but unmilitary".
It's a pity. An attack led by the Royal Welsh Brolly Brigade would have been a real sight to behold and undoubtedly would have left the enemy simply shaking in their boots.
Duke of boots
October is also the month when Wellington boots put in an appearance and for this we must thank the aforementioned Duke after whom the boots are named.
The boots became very fashionable during the Victorian era and eventually became known as ''wellies" in Britain, while around the world you find gumboots, gummies and the splendid muckboots.
They are usually black but come in all colours in Thailand including pink, green or blue for sophisticated folk and white if you happen to be working at Klong Toey market.
As a kid I remember my dad putting on his wellies every Saturday morning before spending the day gardening. In my self-appointed role as a seven-year-old assistant gardener, I also had some wellies but found them uncomfortable and what's more they were hopeless for playing football.
Smelly wellies
Wellies are ingrained in British culture and perhaps Thai culture too.
In 1974, Scottish comedian Billy Connolly had a big hit with the Welly Boot Song which includes the following inspirational lyrics:
Wellies they are wonderful, Oh wellies they are swell
’Cause they keep out the water and keep in the smell.
Anyway, I hope all readers are spared the Soggy Socks Syndrome and don’t have to suffer smelly wellies in the coming weeks.
Contact Postscript via email at oldcrutch@gmail.com
