Sept. 04--Q: Someone approaches you, enthusiastically recalling those good old days. You're struggling to remember his or her name. What do you do?
"One of Dale Carnegie's key principles is 'Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.' Remembering someone's name, and demonstrating that you have done so, shows a sense of respect for the other person. However, sometimes a scenario occurs where someone approaches you and you simply cannot recall this person or their name. Another key Dale Carnegie principle states, 'If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.'
"Own up to not remembering, as this could potentially lead to re-establishing a positive relationship/friendship moving forward. Leading with a smile is one of the best ways to approach difficult situations. By owning up to your mistake in a friendly way, you can easily fix the error by making the other person feel important. Should the conversation continue after the reintroduction, it's important to let the other person do a great deal of the talking while you remain a good listener. Whether the other person is a former colleague or a friend from your past, demonstrating a genuine interest in others is always the first step in initiating a positive relationship and making people like you.
"If you happen to forget another person's name, you certainly wouldn't want to do so again the next time you bump into each other. Repetition is key after an introduction. By repeating someone's name right away and throughout the conversation, you can easily remember the other person for future encounters. Another reliable technique for remembering names is to associate the name with a specific image and constantly repeat the creative link in your head."
-- Jean-Louis Van Doorne, senior vice president at Dale Carnegie Training
"Funny enough, I went through this a number of times just last weekend (at) my 45th high school reunion. There were so many people that came up to me to say hi and even hug me. I couldn't place the face and would look at the name tags with their high school picture and still not remember them. I just couldn't fake it. I politely said, 'I must be going senile because I can't place the name or the face.' Some insisted we were friends in homeroom and even mentioned funny things I had done with them. I merely gave them credit for having a fantastic memory and hugged them and said I was so glad they came to the reunion. There are too many who have studied with me in my 35-year history of teaching improvisation -- I just can't remember them, and I won't fake it.
"If I do recognize a face but can't place the name, I just call them 'sweetie.' As long as they remember me, I'm happy."
-- Charna Halpern, co-founder and director of iO (ImprovOlympic) Theater
Social Graces is a weekly series asking two experts for advice on awkward situations.
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