Nov. 27--Q: How do you gracefully leave a flailing party early, without causing the rest of the crowd to abandon ship with you?
"Profusely thank the host for the reception, and gracefully tell the host that unfortunately you have to leave early because you either have another event following the party you need to attend, or you have to be up early in the morning and cannot stay out late. Keep a low profile when leaving the party, so the other guests will not abandon the party when you do. Do not make a big production of saying goodbyes to everyone else at the party. Keep the goodbyes limited to just the hosts, and try to keep these goodbyes out of earshot of the other guests."
-- Dr. Sophie Duriez, psychiatrist known as Dr. Solution
"Although people may associate the Tao with the mystical or metaphysical, it is actually a practical philosophy that can be applied to every aspect of life -- including awkward social situations. When one practices the Tao in this manner, solutions to life's little problems come not from clever tricks of the moment but from having lived consistently and intelligently, in accordance with the Tao.
"To see how this works for making graceful exits, we can take a look at a Tao lesson from 'The Tao of Happiness.' That lesson begins as follows: To be mindful of where you are is to have situational awareness. Tao cultivators blend in with the environment by observing local laws, customs and social norms. They go with the flow and draw no attention to themselves, so that they can be comfortable and relaxed in any place, facing any situation.
"The most important idea from the above is to draw no attention to yourself when it is not necessary to do so. When you sense the party has gone flat and it is an appropriate time to leave, you flow with the decision without making a show of it. There is no need for you to conspicuously gather up your stuff and make excuses to everyone within earshot. You let your host know, because an important part of your cultivation is to be impeccable in expressing courtesy and appreciation to others."
-- Derek Lin, author of "The Tao of Happiness: Stories from Chuang Tzu for Your Spiritual Journey" (Tarcher)
Social Graces is a weekly series asking experts for advice on awkward situations.
abowen@tribpub.com
