Oct. 23--Q: Your child's soccer coach is berating one of the other players, whose parent isn't there. Do you get involved?
"There's a line between 'berating' and trying to push a young player in his or her development. If a coach is flat-out berating, being mean or in any way humiliating an athlete, then of course you step in. Abusive behavior is not constructive, and it is not moral.
"However, if a coach is trying to make a point -- and sometimes you have to be blunt to make a point understood -- you should allow the coach latitude.
"It is also very important to (consider at) what level the player is competing. If we're talking about a recreational league of players, say, under the age of 10, coaching should be more forgiving. At that age, you are trying to stress positives, build self-confidence and teach a love of sport and the spirit of competition. However, as children grow older and progress -- especially into the more and more prevalent club sports environment -- expect the coaching to take a more serious tone. Again, though, it should never be abusive."
-- Nancy Lieberman assistant coach with the Sacramento Kings
"How to respond to a berating coach is dependent upon a number of factors, such as age class, whether you are in a game or practice, and whether the berating is verbal or physical. Club soccer and high school soccer coaches are far more likely to push their players to the limit, since competition is high and college scholarships are on the line.
"So, what do you do if you see a coach berating a player? First off, as a general rule, abusive behavior should not be tolerated at any level. If a coach is physically attacking a player, then step in immediately and protect the player. If a coach is berating a player verbally, then you should report it to the player's parents and discuss whether they should confront the coach or report it to the commission or an administrative official. The right thing to do is to let the parents of the player decide how they want to handle it.
"However, in my opinion, if you continue to see the abuse, you should talk to (an) official yourself, because a good coach is both demanding and inspiring, and a weak coach is demanding and abusive."
-- Sam Deane Mavis, author of the Motherland of Sam blog and book of the same name
Social Graces is a weekly series asking two experts for advice on awkward situations.
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