The date was 12 March 2023. My body was shaking all over. My life flashed before my eyes: the incessant binge-drinking sessions, countless blackouts, urinating all over myself, gorging on cheesy chips and Domino’s Pizza in the early hours of the morning, jobs given up after just a few weeks. A life of total fecklessness.
I wasn’t having a panic attack. I was simply having a conversation with the man who inspired me to turn my life around: Elton John. We were at his annual Aids Foundation Oscars party in Hollywood, and I finally had the chance to thank him in person for helping me in my journey to sobriety after years addicted to alcohol. We spoke about recovery, and I told him that the way he overcame his own problems had provided me with the blueprint that would save my life. He may have been wearing a pair of bright red heart-shaped sunglasses at the time, but he was extremely down-to-earth and gracious.
It had all started at the University of Bristol in 2009. I had a nascent drinking problem, but I was only 18. At that stage it was all just harmless fun. I was a student making friends at uni. I met my then girlfriend (now wife), Deborah. Someone down the corridor bought the DVD of Elton’s 60th birthday concert at Madison Square Garden. I was gobsmacked and fell in love with his live show. It wasn’t just Elton himself who I began to idolise, but also his longtime band members, drummer Nigel Olsson and guitarist Davey Johnstone.
Fast forward to 2014, and by then I had a full-on alcohol problem. I quit my first proper job as a trainee accountant after just six weeks. My life was in total disarray and I struggled to even pay the rent. The only glimmer of hope was a £6,000 government start-up loan I secured to launch a clothing brand. It was extremely difficult to get off the ground, but a speculative email led to a reply directly from Olsson. He accepted my offer to become a brand ambassador for Tom Cridland Clothing and, as a result, the business took off.
Over the years, we became close friends, and I visited him at his concerts on countless occasions. My connection to Elton’s music became deeper. I saw him backstage many times but never got the opportunity to speak to him. Sadly at most of these gigs, I was blind drunk by the end of the night. The clothing business might have taken off, but I was wasting hundreds of thousands of pounds through poor decisions.
By 2017, I was a complete mess. I endangered my life on several occasions because I was so drunk. I fell down the stairs at Slough train station, blood all over my face. I was assaulted by a thief with a cobblestone in Lisbon, who cut open the area just above my eye. My eyebrow had to be stitched back together in A&E. I was bedridden for several days after downing 20 cans of Stella Artois in a single afternoon. This was just the tip of the iceberg.
But on 13 October 2017, I had my last drink. It was Deborah’s father’s 60th birthday dinner and I completely disgraced myself, talking nonsense and getting extremely aggressive when no one wanted to accompany me to a karaoke bar after dinner. I woke up the next day and realised this was the final straw. I broke down. I had to admit that I couldn’t handle alcohol any more.
By the time we were in the thick of the pandemic, in 2020, I was three years sober, but increasingly coming close to drinking again. I spent almost all of my time working on my clothing business, my consulting agency and on my music podcast. I did not take any time off, which seriously affected my mental health. On the precipice of a relapse, I found inspiration in Elton’s own journey to sobriety – he went to rehab in the early 90s and has been teetotal ever since.
I also took the unorthodox step of replacing alcohol with performing Elton’s music myself. During lockdown, I taught myself piano so I could one day play gigs as an Elton tribute act, singing the songs that have gotten me through times of happiness and of despair. The urge to drink disappeared, as I progressed from playing my first piano note in late 2020 to performing a concert in front of 1,500 people at McKelligon Canyon Amphitheatre in Texas in 2023. As Tom’s Elton Tribute, I’ve played more than 300 gigs. Finding something constructive to replace my drinking gave me a sense of purpose and transformed my personal and professional life.
They say you should never meet your heroes, but being able to thank Elton had a profound effect on me. It made me realise that being sober has improved every facet of my life. His shining example as a teetotal man and as a musician has shown me that giving up drinking can actually be enjoyable, particularly if you love life and have a serious work ethic. Above all, he has taught me that the most important thing is to enjoy the journey.
• Tom Cridland’s new book, Million Dollar Addict, is out now.
• In the UK, Action on Addiction is available on 0300 330 0659. In the US, call or text SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 988. In Australia, the National Alcohol and Other Drug Hotline is at 1800 250 015; families and friends can seek help at Family Drug Support Australia at 1300 368 186
