Look permanently surprised, now, because there is agonising news for Desperate Housewives star and recent Michael Jackson make-under inspiration Teri Hatcher.
It seems that Teri is paid $2.4m (£1.2m) a year to endorse the Hydroderm range of cosmetics and anti-ageing products - which is odd, because Lost in Showbiz had always assumed that the secret to Teri's youthful visage was piped direct from a weapons lab in some sympathetic rogue state, where Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman is still the top-rating, if heavily censored, show on The Infidel Channel.
Alas, Hydroderm appears to have drawn a similar conclusion, and this week filed a multimillion-dollar lawsuit against the actress, claiming she is in breach of contract for putting her name to a rival lip-plumping product. Did you ever hear the like? Also, just imagine learning this and not even being able to raise your eyebrows. Too cruel.
Teri's suing right back, of course, and going for punitive damages, but you have to think the first punch has been landed by Hydroderm, which observes waspishly that "it is anyone's guess as to what product keeps her skin and lips youthful."
How's about good old-fashioned smilin' and a midpriced moisturiser? No? Fair enough. It could be anyone's guess, but does increasingly feel like a job for Hans Blix, so we wish any formal inspectorate all the best.
