The Scottish National party’s MPs at Westminster have said that their first few months in parliament were akin to sitting in a “kindergarten where people make animal noises”.
Reporting back to the party’s conference in Aberdeen, newly elected MPs lined up to give a negative impression of outdated and nonsensical practices at Westminster.
Callum McCaig, the 30-year-old energy spokesman and MP for Aberdeen South, said his first impressions of Westminster were that it was “no way to run a country”. He especially objected to the length of time it took to vote and to “some folk in the chamber” who you just “question: how could you have become an MP?”
He was followed on the main stage by Dr Philippa Whiteford, the health spokeswoman and MP for Central Ayrshire, who said she had such cold feet in the chamber during the first few weeks that she wondered how upset people would be if she called a byelection.
“I used to do a useful job but now it’s sitting in a kindergarten where people are making animal noises,” she said.
She added that once SNP members from a diverse range of backgrounds settled into their new roles, Conservative MPs approached them asking: “Where did we get all these people?”
The most comprehensive list of gripes was delivered by Tommy Sheppard, the Cabinet Office spokesman and MP for Edinburgh East, who compiled a list of the “top 10 most ridiculous aspects of the Palace of Westminster”. These included not being allowed to call MPs by name in the chamber; the adversarial layout in which opposite sides sit two sword lengths apart; the lack of seats; the ban on applause; the voting process that forces MPs to queue for three hours; and that prayers are reserved for members of the Church of England.
Sheppard’s main objections included the ability of former MPs to access parliament, the existence of the House of Lords and the “democratic outrage” of the first-past-the-post voting system. But he also scorned some of the traditions of parliament such as the “Georgian pantomime dress” worn by the door staff in the Commons, which consists of tights, swords and a “curly ruffled thing that they wear down their back which is called a wig bag”.
Since 56 SNP MPs were elected in May, they have been praised by the Speaker, John Bercow, for turning up assiduously and making good parliamentarians. They have also been reprimanded for showing their approval for a speaker by clapping rather than by crying “hear, hear”.
