Poor Giles Coren and Monica Galetti have been put to work again – in one of the most jaw-droppingly stunning hotels in the world.
Excuse me while I play my very tiny violin, but in the world of smug TV gigs, this is up there.
In Amazing Hotels: Life Beyond The Lobby, which returned to BBC2 on Thursday, the unlikely duo travel the globe – or at least they did in Before Times – to find astonishing, unaffordable places to rest their weary heads.
They have to “roll up their sleeves” and help the staff, but since they are usually rewarded with infinity pools and cocktails, it seems worth it.
What is your view? Have your say in the comments section
When they first rocked up at Jade Mountain Resort in St Lucia – an entirely hand-built hotel carved into a cliff top – Monica described it as an old temple ruin.
A more sardonic Giles, however, more accurately said it looked like a multi-storey car park with a hint of Tarzan.
Regardless, they were both blown away by what is actually an architectural, eco-friendly wonder with eight levels, nestled in 600 acres of forest.
Personal butlers tirelessly cross walkways above the treetops in the heat to bring mimosas and mineral water to wealthy guests. Giles did it for five minutes and didn’t stop moaning.
I’d love a personal butler. My kids have one actually. She’s very good.
Incredibly, each of the 29 ginormous guest rooms are open to the elements with no external walls. Yes, this is the gold standard of glamping.
“It’s like someone’s painted scenery across my hotel room,” said Monica, trying out the water pistol provided to deal with over-friendly wildlife.
It costs up to £2,700 a night, so most of us mere mortals will never get to visit.
I’m not entirely sure what I’m getting out of this so far, except seething resentment.
But it is a chance to gawp at how the other half live.
Perhaps I could replicate it by sleeping in the hall with my front door open and a fly-swat, bribing the kids to bring me wine and cheese on demand?
Perhaps most fascinating is the insight into what it takes to run a place like this – a lot of blood, sweat and tears from people who must always remain calm and polite.
Jade Mountain employs 500 local people, who are busy planning daily weddings, cleaning the beach, battling vertigo to scrub cliffside pools and dealing with endless guest requests.
“This place is magnificent,” concluded Giles, sipping a cold beer. He’s not wrong.
It’s just a shame the show didn’t end with: “And here’s a hefty discount for BBC licence payers or tired mums.”
