They do things well in Australia. On the first day of this fifth Test came a fitting tribute to the victims and first responders of the Bondi atrocity, and on the third day the Sydney Cricket Ground was turned into a sea of pink to once again raise funds for the McGrath Foundation.
Out in the middle, however, Australian charity was in far shorter supply. Across three sessions their batters ground England’s bowlers into the dust, answering any questions about their motivation since securing the Ashes and throwing up a few more about their beaten opponents.
Faces flush from the ordeal, Ben Stokes and his team trudged off at stumps seeing pink elephants. Steve Smith’s 37th Test century, 129 not out from 205 balls, had followed the second half of Travis Head’s sizzling 163 from 166, and with it Australia had reached 518 for seven from 124 overs. The lead sat at 134 runs overnight and looked an ominous one.
The Barmy Army sang all day in an attempt to lift flagging players but the futility was an all-too-familiar sensation. The SCG has been the scene of Australian dominance over England with the bat during recent times, the hosts having piled up 416 for eight declared from here in 2022, and an absurd 649 for seven declared four years earlier. So much for all that worrying about the pitch leading into this match.
The surface on day three was great to bat on, as was the attack to bat against. No bowler shirked but the figures were still grim, not least Matthew Potts shipping 141 from 25 wicketless overs on his return and suffering the indignity of three figures from just 91 balls courtesy of a monstrous six from Head.
Three more catches also went to ground – England’s count for the series is circa 17, depending on how harshly they are judged – and Stokes burned his last two reviews trying to remove the nightwatchman, Michael Neser, in the morning. Every declined appeal thereafter triggered sarcastic jeers from the home crowd, all adding to a collage of bereft English imagery.
Head simply picked up where he left off the night before, adding nine quick runs for his third century in this Ashes and carting his first three balls from Potts to the rope. Finally winkled out lbw after lunch by the left-arm darts of Jacob Bethell to make it 288 for four, Head’s series totaliser now sits at exactly 600 runs. And to think his conversion to firestarting opener only came about courtesy of Usman Khawaja’s back spasms in Perth.
Everyone’s favourite dad-bod left-hander was also the beneficiary of two drops by Will Jacks, the first of which, on 121, set the tone for the day. Running around from deep midwicket, but mindful of the rope, Jacks took his eye off the ball at the last second and snatched at it with crocodile hands. Down it went, with English shoulders following suit.
But for all the destruction of Head’s latest barnstormer, and the generous applause for the retiring Khawaja when he walked out to the middle, this was Smith’s day. It was one of his more eccentric, too, packed with sightscreen stoppages, quirky hand gestures, and ending up with dirty whites after ducking under bouncers with roly-poly tumbles.
Save for offering one tough chance to leg slip on 12, Smith was in his groove, inducing plenty of groans from the technique that offers the false hope of lbw, and building to a climax. He also made a habit of hitting staging posts for the team with a flourish, be it smoking Stokes for four to take the lead or a straight six off Bethell to take the total past 400.
Although it was with a nudged single on 83 that he moved to 3,637 Ashes runs, leapfrogging Jack Hobbs to leave only Don Bradman, 5,028, above him in these contests. On 97, when he paddled Bethell for three to seal his 13th Ashes century and spark a standing ovation, he once again plonked himself between the two masters to sit six short of Bradman’s 19.
Could England have done more? The bumper plan came early yet Smith never looked like doing something so gormless as his namesake Jamie 24 hours earlier. All told, their best chance to turn the tide came when the second new ball arrived with Australia 324 for four, still 60 runs in arrears.
But Stokes, their best bowler, was recently gassed out after a seven‑over spell. While Carse pinned Khawaja lbw on 17, and Alex Carey’s leg‑slip glitch re-emerged to hand Josh Tongue a wicket, the threat diminished and Smith found support from the two giant all-rounders: Cameron Green finally showed some touch for 37, and Beau Webster made 42 not out.
Having lost five for 61 at this juncture a day earlier, England had been served with another reminder of their shortcomings on a tour now heading for a grisly final instalment. Starting with the gutsy Neser first thing, Australia’s stands on the day read 72, 54, 51, 27, 71 and 81 unbroken – the kind of collective purpose on which big totals, and series wins, are built.
