This is a first for me - I have never attempted a weblog before, confesses Lynn Barber.
But the Obs generously volunteered me to write an account of going down one of Carsten Höller's slides at the Tate's Turbine Hall.
Not that it was a hardship - I was dying to do it - and I had the perfect opportunity yesterday lunchtime when I was asked to a VIP preview between press view and official opening.
So I turned up at noon and the slides were all ready but still barred to the general public. I thought I'd do one of the short slides from the bridge first as practice for the big slide, from the top storey.
First problem was that the guard said I had to take off my shoes but couldn't leave them with him - I had to check them in the ground floor cloakroom or leave them with a friend, and I had an embarrassing time going round bystanders begging them to take charge of my shoes.
Eventually I found a nice young couple to take them and got onto the slide. I was totally confident, expecting to enjoy it. But the takeoff was uncomfortable - I barely seemed to move at all and thought Oh God, maybe I'm too heavy?
But then suddenly I got up speed and whee! was hurtling round a corner. By instinct, I put out my arm to slow down, and seriously grazed my left elbow. There was a brief moment of pleasure before I landed on the soft mat but my elbow was really painful and bloody, so I thought, 'forget the big slide, that's enough'.
Later, I talked to Tate staff who had ridden all the slides and they said actually the top floor slide is not too bad, because it describes a gentle helix, but the fourth floor slide is really terrifying, because it is a sheer drop.
My advice is: be wary. However much they tell you to keep your arms in, instinct makes you stick them out on a corner and then it hurts. And I have heard that people go so fast on the fourth floor slide that they overshoot the landing matt and bounce onto the hard floor.
The whole experience is quite scary - I wouldn't do it again. But it is a great spectacle, and I hope lots of other poor mutts will do it and scream their heads off.
