ENGLAND VERSUS MADRID
It was a good week for Bayern Munich and Roma in Big Cup. In as much as they both played well, anyway, but this is what happens when you faff around half-asleep for most of the first leg. And so instead it’s going to be a repeat of the 1981 final between Real Madrid and Liverpool, which is good news for the Reds if you believe in omens. Something to do with a royal wedding, the nationalities of the four semi-finalists, and a pattern of previous winners when the year ends in eight. Oh we don’t know. Give it another week and someone will have come up with some convoluted gibberish involving the Pope, the president and a couple of characters from Coronation Street. He will be no match for that old Albert Tatlock voodoo.
One thing that might give superstitious Liverpool fans succour is the news that their team will play in their first-choice red in Kiev come 26 May. Every time the club have won Big Cup, they’ve sported red shirts in the final, you see … while the team they’ve defeated have worn white. Much good that did them in Athens in 2007, of course, but let’s not start pulling too hard at threads. Better perhaps to concentrate on past performances against Real that weren’t overseen by crack Big Cup expert Brendan “P18 W2” Rodgers. Liverpool won the aforementioned 1981 final, of course, but then they were able to field a team containing the likes of Kenny Dalglish, Graeme Souness, Ray Kennedy and Alan Hansen. Perhaps more instructive are some of the names involved in the fondly remembered 4-0 victory of 2009: Martin Skrtel, Jay Spearing, Ryan Babel, Andrea Dossena. A roll call that proves that in football, anything is possible if you truly believe.
Anyway, at least some of the country will be wishing Liverpool well going forward. A similarly volatile mix of goodwill, seething rage and thundering apathy will be directed on Thursday night at Arsenal, who are looking to become England’s second representative in a major European final this season. Like Bayern and Roma before them, Arsenal gift-wrapped the advantage to their opponents in the first leg of their Big Vase semi, though unlike those particular hapless losers, the Gunners managed to limit the damage to the extent of only needing one goal to repair it. All good and well, except that Diego Simeone’s Atlético Madrid have only conceded three times at the Wanda Metropolitano in 2018. Arsène Wenger’s gnomic observation? “History has to stop somewhere.” Arsenal fans will hope that quote comes to represent a glorious end to his nearly-man record in Europe on 16 May, rather than merely a footnote to his chipping off work for the last time a few days earlier.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Paul Doyle from 8.05pm BST for hot MBM coverage of Atlético Madrid 2-1 Arsenal (agg: 3-2).
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“When we started training we didn’t even have a football, so I had to bring some out of my back garden. At least six of our players were offered money to play elsewhere but they said no because they’d made a commitment to me. I thought the very least we can do is to give them a bonus” – Dunstable Town manager Tony McCool launches a crowd-funding campaign to help his relegated squad after they played an entire season for free in the otherwise semi-pro Southern League Premier.
THE FIVEЯ
Yes, it’s our not-singing, not-dancing World Cup Fiver. Out every Thursday lunchtime BST, here’s the latest edition, on Japan.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Football Weekly Extra is here and all up in your lugholes.
SUPPORT THE GUARDIAN
Producing the Guardian’s thoughtful, in-depth journalism – the stuff not normally found in this email, obviously – is expensive, but supporting us isn’t. If you value our journalism, please support us by making a one-off or recurring contribution.
FIVER LETTERS
“Well done to the Reds on getting to Big Cup final, but can we give the Andy Robertson career timelines a rest please? As a Scot I’m glad to see him doing well, but he’s been an established player for some time now. Social Media Disgrace Twitter visionaries jabbering on about his 2013 lower-league exploits are about as current and topical in football as the Jabulani, metatarsal breaks, and Alan Pardew’s manager of the year award. Regards” – Grumpy Scottish Johnny Connelly.
“Having read the list of mostly failed signings at Sunderland, I have a question: what are they doing to their players’ knees? Almost every knack mentioned was a knee-related one. I didn’t think anyone would go weak at the knees for Sunderland these days” – David Wagland.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … David Wagland.
THE RECAP
Get the best of Big Website’s coverage sent direct to your inbox every Friday lunchtime (GMT). Has the added bonus of being on time. Sign up here.
BITS AND BOBS
Subbuteo is making a push to move into the 21st century by launching an all-female set before Saturday’s Women’s FA Cup final. Its makers are also hastily retreating to the 20th century by not making the team available to buy, merely allowing it to be won via FA competitions.
James Palotta, the chairman of Roma, is not happy. “I know it is difficult to ref but it is really embarrassing that we lose on aggregate like that,” he fumed. “If they don’t get VAR in [Big Cup], stuff like this is an absolute joke.” Quite how this will prevent his team from defending like suet pudding is unclear.
Hibs boss Neil Lennon isn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth, what with the Pope’s Newc O’Rangers booting Graeme Murty earlier this week. “It’s scandalous the way he’s been treated,” he parped. “When it really got tough a lot of people turned their back on him, which I found unpalatable.”
And while the British Boxing Board of Control was happy enough for Andrew Flintoff to wade into the ring, it isn’t having any of Rio Ferdinand’s PR drive. “To say I’m disappointed by this decision is an understatement,” he tooted.
STILL WANT MORE?
Floating brain in a jar Jonathan Wilson tries to make sense of a Real Madrid v Liverpool Big Cup final and goes into meltdown.
“Beautiful, muggy, flaneurial”, “silk scarves fluttering” and “flying saucer”: it’s Barney Ronay on Roma v Liverpool.
Liverpool should be renamed “Salah-pool”! Ruth Michaelson reports on the understated reaction to Mo’s season. Sid Lowe offers up the Spanish press view, while Paolo Bandini rattles out a few pars on the reaction in Rome.
What tends to happen when Real Madrid and Liverpool meet in Europe? This, basically.
A year since hanging up his boots, is Frank Lampard missing football? “Nope,” is the gist of his interview with Simon Burnton.
Can someone just put a bullet in football’s bonkers gong shows, sighs Marina Hyde.
Why are Norwich midfielder James Maddison’s shoulders so flat? Because he likes having pressure on them, he tells Ben Fisher.
Feeling old dept: not one of the England U-17s squad who are favourites for the European Championship were alive when TLC’s No Scrubs came out.
Will Trump wreck USA! USA!! USA!!!’s chances of hosting the World Cup? Yep, says Bryan Armen Graham.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
