Mandatory Credit: Photo by Tim Rooke/REX/Shutterstock (5609777af) Rupert Murdoch and Jerry Hall Wedding of Rupert Murdoch and Jerry Hall, St Brides, London, Britain - 05 Mar 2016 Photograph: Tim Rooke/REX/Shutterstock
If you don’t like skirts
Because this can happen, it’s happy news that, this spring, Vogue decided the cocktail dress had been supplanted by the jumpsuit. Bit of a stretch, but obviously the fashion magazine is a reliable yardstick for outsider trends, so even if you feel a bit sketchy with the idea of wearing trousers to a do, if you go wide they sort of look like a dress. At this point, it is worth flagging up the fresh hell that is a portable toilet, however.
You don’t wear heels
Because you can’t walk in heels, because you don’t believe in them or because you believe in choice and have chosen not to wear them. This is actually a golden period for the formal flat. Ignore the diktats and try lace-up ballet flats from Aquazzura – this season’s post-Tulum option. There are no hard and fast rules, but they do work with a longer length, just as posh espadrilles have a nice chunk to them and work with shorter hems. Ditto patent brogues although you do risk venturing into Miss Jean Brodie territory.
If you’re a man
Weddings are generally rigged in favour of female guests, but they can be a time for men to shine, not least because mismatched suits are acceptable (see Burberry’s SS16 collection) and because primary colours have shifted from posh uncle through to APC and Paul Smith summer-wear. If you’re going to clash, and want to make more than a sartorial point before next week, do think about adopting this season’s sleeper trend: the European flag colour scheme.
If you’re skint
The high street mocking up affordable takes on catwalk looks isn’t new, but this strata system has exploded in recent years with the rise of the mid-range high street: more affordable than, say, Whistles, but posher than H&M. Self-Portrait created the look of the season – see the Azaelea dress, which looked blindingly haute – and spawned a panel-and-lace patchwork look that is now available at River Island. Aside: yellow is quite Burberry and quite the Queen at 90, too.
If you’re a plus-one
It’s easy to mistake “partner” with “filler”, but this is not your day, you need to earn your buffet, and so don’t let your paranoia play out. Only a tool would outshine the bride, so stick to something pretty and colourful (AKA doing your bit for the photographs) but quiet and chic, such as this from Finery, which plays into the aforementioned lace/panel thing, isn’t that expensive and can be worn the next time you become surplus filler.
