Kathy Beale made her proper return to EastEnders this week, after delivering the WTF moment to end them all when she popped up in the soap’s 30th anniversary “live week”. Gillian Taylforth’s character was supposedly killed in an off-screen car accident 10 years ago; for no better reason than to introduce the character of her and Phil’s son Ben. Needless to say, it was one of the stupidest decisions in soap history: killing off one of the greats without building a grand dramatic arc around it. So, a decade later, the show’s bosses tasked themselves with a way of bringing back Kathy that was – in soap terms – plausible. And on Monday, just before the “doof doofs”, there she was, emoting in Phil’s car lot about how much she wanted to come home. (We imagine there’s probably something to do with witness protection going on.) Dramatic, sure, but if ’Enders bosses hope that Kathy’s return will be among the most memorable of all time, there’s certainly stiff competition.
Bobby Ewing (Dallas)
The original, and still the worst. The good Ewing brother was mown down by his obsessed sister-in-law Katherine and died in 1984. Faced with actor Patrick Duffy wanting to return and realising they’d probably made a bum move, the show’s creators reintroduced Bobby a year later, having him emerge from the shower, stunning his wife Pamela. The explanation – obviously – was that Pamela had dreamed the entire preceding season. Which, if nothing else, is one lengthy nap. The move was only out-dafted in the leagues of 80s US soaps that time when Fallon from Dynasty got abducted by aliens.
Harold Bishop (Neighbours)
Erinsborough’s greatest love story came to an abrupt pause in 1991, when tuba-wielding fuddy-duddy Harold Bishop got washed out to sea, leaving his wife Madge shrieking throatily as his glasses washed up on a rock face. Presumed dead for five years, he emerged, a bewildered Salvation Army amnesiac going by the name of Ted. Madge also returned, they fell in love again and all was well. At least, it was until Madge died of cancer in 2001, leaving Harold to enjoy ever-dafter plots like the time he had a stroke and became a sex-pest, or when he tried to strangle Paul Robinson, for some reason. Nevertheless, old jelly belly remains the heart and soul of Ramsay Street. And happily, squaring the circle of returns from the dead, Harold returned with visions of a ghost Madge for Neighbours’ 30th anniversary earlier this year.
Peggy Mitchell (EastEnders)
These days, Barbara Windsor zig-zags in and out of Albert Square more times than a clumsily inept police force. But it was Peggy’s original return, back in 1994 that launched a thousand cries of “Gerr ourra moi paaaaaaab!” Peggy first appeared as a blousy bore back in 1991, played by somebody called Jo Warne in a storyline that nobody remembers. So nondescript was the character that when she was rebooted – brassy, be-wigged and played by national treasure of-sorts Windsor – nobody really batted an eyelid. After a brief period waging hate campaigns against HIV sufferers, Peggy settled into becoming the kindly gangster-momma we’re all sent slightly queasy by to this day.
Blanche Hunt (Coronation Street)
Deirdre’s mother had been popping in and out of Weatherfield since 1974, a matriarch of the piss-and-vinegar variety. Maggie Jones took over the role of Blanche after the original actress Patricia Cutts killed herself having filmed just two episodes. But she was hardly the sort of character the people cried out to see more of. People can be wrong, though, and when Blanche returned as a regular in 1996 she quickly established herself as the most formidable of soap battleaxes. Never happier than carping on about Ken and Deirdre’s inadequacies over the dinner table or firing off caustic jibes across the Rovers’ bar, her one-liners have never been bettered. And her takedown of the participants in Peter’s AA meeting has rightly been acclaimed as one of Corrie’s greatest ever scenes. (“Ken recently had an affair with an actress. Oh it wasn’t Nicole Kidman or Glenda Jackson. She lived on a tugboat.”)
Cindy Cunningham (Hollyoaks)
So high is the death toll in Chester’s most dangerous suburb that a large number of comebacks occur in the form of ghosts or hallucinations. But the most successful was a character still firmly in the land of the living: Hollyoaks’ original teen mum, Cindy. Neither the brightest button or a character you particularly noticed had gone, certain eyebrows were raised when she returned in 2008 for brother Max’s wedding/funeral. But her reinvention as a manipulative gold-digger has been joyous, with Cindy revelling in her queen bitch status before actually getting her wish of marrying an elderly millionaire. Since then, she’s lost her fortune, and emerged as a deluded Sally Webster type, shacking up with Dirk and succumbing to a bipolar disorder that sees her hormonally typing out bonkbusters and making overtures to her daughter’s boyfriend while wearing a wedding dress. True class.
Tracy Barlow (Coronation Street)
Pre-millennium, the spawn of Deirdre and “That Ray Langton” was notable for little more than going up to her room to play Bros tapes for a bit and returning downstairs, a woman. All that changed in 2002 when Kate Ford took on the role. The character was only intended to be “trouble”, but the writers caught on to the glint in Ford’s eye and turned her into a full-on psychopah, and one of Corrie’s greatest-ever villains. So far, Tracy’s rap sheet includes: date rape; attempted sale of a baby; cradle-snatching; getting away with murder; and inadvertent arson. She’s currently in the throes of what looks like a Damascene conversion following the death of her mother Deirdre, a story point made to honour late actor Anne Kirkbride. No doubt she’ll be back to her old ways soon enough.
