A SALTY TALE
On Monday Manchester United confirmed, to whichever poor sap had to ask, that José Mourinho will continue living in a five-star hotel throughout next season rather than buy or rent a house within easy commuting distance of Old Trafford. This is despite the fact that the Portuguese spent much of last season providing viola accompaniment to his own wistful ballads about a life in which swarms of unkempt photographers squatted outside his luxury accommodation just gagging for an opportunity to exploit his living hell. Mourinho, mounting one of his famous rearguard actions just to stave off the tears, suggested back then that he felt like a man under siege. And that, perhaps, is why he has chosen to prolong the arrangement. For over the years it has become clear that Mourinho likes best of all to function in situations of fabulous privilege that he can depict as base adversity.
United’s tour of the USA! USA!! USA!!! then, is turning into a real treat for Mourinho. Coming after a season in which the manager’s fado soundtrack also included regular harping about a cruel schedule, the tour demands United play a match nearly every few hours, their limbering up consisting solely of jumping on and off a Greyhound bus. And the visit to consumers in the Real Salt Lake catchment area brought another boon when, 68 minutes into the meet and greet, ref Allen Chapman decided that Antonio Valencia was tackling the whole thing too competitively and needed a red card. But rather than send off Valencia for an unseasonably rugged challenge on Sebastian Saucedo, the referee remembered it was just a friendly so offered the United boss a chance to sub the player off instead. That was an unexpected development for Mourinho, who had to act quickly before anyone started to think that authorities were considerate towards him. He had to rail against this official, who eventually ordered Valencia off.
“I think the delay was because the referee asked me to change the player and I didn’t because I don’t agree with the card,” explained Mourinho, whose team went on to win 2-1, sealing another triumph against the odds for a manager who had to pull out all the stops last season to make qualifying for Big Cup with the most expensive team in history look even harder than swallowing his own previous contempt for the Community Shield and Big Vase. United are now on their way to Houston, where they will take on Manchester City with Mourinho’s rousing sense of grievance intact and his helpers trying to put the finishing touches to the £50m acquisition for Inter winger Ivan Perisic. Mou money, mou problems.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I’m still good physically, I could play two more years at high levels. Who will take me to make a deal? Serious and strong professional soccer player” – 2006 World Cup winner Cristian Zaccardo, now 35, gives it the hard sell via LinkedIn, whatever that is.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
Goodfellas, Jesper Gronkjaer T-shirts and Claudio Ranieri hitting the boutiques: it’s David Squires on the Roman Abramovich revolution at Chelsea.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Re: Romelu Lukaku (yesterday’s Bits and Bobs). Despite what Michael Carrick says, I don’t think moving from the seventh-placed team to the sixth-placed team will be that a big step up for him” – Peter Whibley.
“Now that Paul Robinson has retired (yesterday’s Bits and Bobs), should we expect a new album from Stefan Dennis?” – Andrew Want.
“I can assure Noble Francis (yesterday’s Fiver letters) that the name of the bad soap opera from New Zealand is ‘Shortland Street’ – which sounds like a former football ground in a northern English town which has been replaced by a bright and shiny new stadium on the outskirts of town named after this season’s sponsor” – David Parsons.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Andrew Want.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Police have arrested Ángel María Villar Llona, his son Gorka and three other executives after a dawn raid on the Spanish FA’s headquarters in Madrid. The five men were detained on charges of corruption, as part of an ongoing investigation.
Security has been tightened at Euro 2017 after intelligence reports suggested England’s match with Scotland on Wednesday could be targeted. “Initially there was shock. But ever since that moment we’ve been reassured,” said England head coach Mark Sampson. On the pitch, Russia shocked Italy thanks in part to a dramatic injury-time save from Tatyana Shcherbak, while Germany and Sweden drew 0-0.
Eight days after joining Verona, Antonio Cassano decided he’d rather retire instead. Eighty minutes later, he changed his mind and will now play for his new team this season – at least at the time of writing. “My choice is to keep playing, I had a moment of weakness,” he tooted. “I often think with my gut … this morning my gut was wrong, as it has been at other times.”
Borussia Dortmund have told jet-heeled striker Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang to stop somersaulting, sit down and get comfy, because he’s going nowhere this summer. “As far as we’re concerned, the transfer window is shut,” sniffed Michael Zorc. “Time’s up.”
We may have seen the last of Claudio Bravo in the Premier League, with Pep Guardiola offering Napoli £2.5m for a safer pair of hands in Pepe Reina.
Middlesbrough have taken their summer spending to £30m with the addition of Nottingham Forest’s Britt Assombalonga. “I can’t wait to meet the manager and get ready for next season. There’s a good feeling around the place” he cheered.
Ross Barkley will miss Everton’s pre-season jolly in the Netherlands with a prolonged bout of groin-gah. The midfielder could leave Goodison this summer, with one year left on his contract.
And Crystal Palace have made their first permanent signing of the summer, with versatile DL/C, DMC Jairo Riedewald joining from Ajax.
THE RECAP
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STILL WANT MORE?
Get the lowdown on 20 young players ready to make an impact on the Premier League, including two Chelsea stars – both out on loan, naturally.
Euro 2017 has far more to offer than England and Scotland, but it can be hard to tell from these shores, writes Suzy Wrack.
Will Howard Wilkinson forever be the last English manager to win the title? Paul Wilson thinks we may be waiting a while, and we’re inclined to agree.
Chelsea chase Gonzalo Higuaín, Newcastle circle Jacob Murphy and Harry makes predictable moves at Birmingham – all in today’s Mill.
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