Sir Alan dishes out some sound advice

Picture the scene. We are chez Sugar in Chigwell, Essex, and there are five TV satellite uplink trucks parked outside his house. Such are the demands of the media with the final of The Apprentice on BBC1 tonight. All is going well with the various live interviews that have been lined up, until the poor chaps from GMTV suffer a bad case of "uplinkitis" - their satellite dish isn't working. The interview is put back, and put back, and put back... until it looks like they might lose it. Step forward - who else? - but Sir A, who has quiet word in the shell-like of the GMTV engineer. "What you need to do is this ...". Cue talk of "south-south-east triangulations" - Monkey got a bit lost here - and the van was backed up by a metre. And - lo and behold! - GMTV were back on line. Once a satellite man, always a satellite man, it seems. Sir A, you're hired.