Three words sum up the key to happiness for the hordes of kids taken in by foster mum Andy Hider... chaos, mess and, above all, laughter.
With three kids of her own and a marriage split behind her, this extraordinary woman welcomed more than 150 needy youngsters into her family over 35 years.
She had to find extra space in her home – but there was always enough room in her heart.
There have been tough times, bad times, sad times – but overwhelmingly good times.
Andy, 74, says of her remarkable life: “I wouldn’t swap it for winning the Lottery.”
And on March 3 she will be at Buckingham Palace to receive the MBE for her services.
Bristol-based Andy’s story is all the more remarkable in that she fell into fostering by chance.
It was while visiting a library with her boys Adam, Ben and George, then 10, seven and two, that fate played its hand.
Andy – who had no job and was strapped for cash – says: “I was browsing in the library when a bookmark fell on the floor.
“I bent over to pick it up and saw an advert on the back asking for foster parents who could care for kids with challenging behaviour. Unlike in the past, the local authority didn’t just cover maintenance costs, there was a fee involved too, so I thought there’d be no harm going to the introductory meeting to check it out.”
With approval from her two older boys and support from a social worker, she began the assessment process. Six months later she welcomed her first foster child.
Andy soon realised how steep the learning curve would be.
She says: “I remember saying to my first foster son that he could bring his friends over, because that’s what I would have said to my own sons. Before I knew it, a big group of strangers was in my front room seeing who could spit the furthest!”
After a bumpy start, Andy found her stride – taking a laid-back approach which allowed often troubled kids to feel at ease.
Since 1985 Andy has specialised in long-term placements, with ages ranging from 13 to 21.
She continues: “We stopped counting at around 80 – I moved from one local authority to another local authority, and then to a specialist fostering agency, so nobody was keeping track.
“Our latest tally indicates it’s over 150, but the figure isn’t that important to me.”
At first Andy could only foster three children at her house in Keynsham near Bristol. So she split one double bedroom into two, had her loft converted and extended at the back so she could accommodate five at once.
For over three decades she says her house was “invariably full – of kids, chaos, mess and laughter”.
But Andy insists she never believed in laying down too many rules. That way, she says, there
are fewer to break.
She explains: “The rules I set are based around safety, I say no drinking or drugs and I insist on respect for everyone else in the house.
“Some of the children throw everything they’ve got at you, but I don’t give up.
“I’m tenacious and I like teenagers because I remember being one. I remember feeling like the rest of the world was against me – so I can identify with that. There was one girl whose boyfriend was using drugs. I tried to persuade her not to go out with him, but she did.
“When she came home that night I told her we needed to talk.
“I started to cry with concern for her welfare. She told me no one had ever cared enough about her before to cry and she said she’d never do it again. And she never did. She now has four wonderful children of her own.”
Two years ago, Andy gave away one of her ex-foster kids, Gary, at his wedding in Portugal. He had had 14 foster and kids’ home placements before she took him in.
She says: “He was 14 when he came to me and stayed until he was 18.
“To see him a happy, confident adult is amazing. I never feel sad when I say goodbye, I feel proud to have done my part and know we’ll always be close.”
In 2011 Andy was part of a BBC documentary with Men Behaving Badly actor Neil Morrissey, who spent much of his childhood in foster care.
“Neil was so kind and so good with the kids,” Andy says. “It was also great for them – and anyone who saw the show – to see how foster care can be a huge positive, how you can make a success of your life like Neil had.”
She and the actor keep in touch and he even gave his number to her foster children, saying they could call.
Andy says Neil “was the best ever advert for fostering”.
She also says her own kids have prospered from the fostering experience, adding: “Adam, Ben and George have had to share me with other, much more demanding children – and witness their mum being threatened and abused.
“But it taught them to be kind and understand how lucky they are. We became a team and I believe our experience enabled them to become more understanding, caring adults.”
She recalls one of her foster children who moved out at 18 and went to London. “He called me asking if I could help with spare clothes, some money and some cigarettes,” she says.
“I called George, who was then living on the other side of London, and he got in his car to drive round to help out. We’ve all learned to put others’ needs ahead of our own.”
It was Andy’s middle son Ben – now a teacher in Bristol – who nominated his mum for the MBE.
On New Year’s Day she got the news that she had been invited to the Palace to receive the award “for services to children and young people in Bristol, Bath and North
East Somerset”.
Humbled Andy says: “When I see all the messages on my phone from kids I’ve fostered, when I get cards on Mothering Sunday, when I get asked to go to a wedding, or hold one of my foster children’s newborn babies, that means more to me than any award.
“Of course it’s great that fostering is getting more recognition through this MBE. I want more people to follow in my footsteps when I retire this July after my 75th birthday to get the same incredible sense of fulfilment.”
- Andy has fostered with Amicus Foster Care, which needs more foster parents. See amicusfostercare.com
