I’ve been with my boyfriend for about six months. I’m 39 and he’s 51. We have a great relationship. I fell pregnant after only a month and a half. In a decision made jointly with full support, I had a termination. The sex we’d had before was always great. However, since the termination my partner finds it very difficult to ejaculate. Could the termination have an effect on this? He insists not.
It is certainly possible that the termination might have influenced your boyfriend’s ejaculatory process. A person can have an unconscious reaction to any event, even if the conscious self denies it. A termination can bring up all kinds of feelings. Sometimes there is sadness and loss, sometimes anger at one’s partner and sometimes anger at one’s self. And the fear of repeating a pregnancy can be alive and present, or buried in the psyche. Our sexual responses are linked to our hearts and minds, so it would not be an unusual consequence for those feelings to lead to physiological changes. It is important to talk deeply about the feelings of both of you, especially if unresolved issues remain between you regarding the decision to terminate. Sometimes, loss leads to depression, which can also lead to sexual disorders. There is normally a mourning period following a termination, which needs to follow its course and be respected.
• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders
• If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments).
