5 things I learned at Bacardi Triangle
Sometimes, readers, journalists sell their souls. They sell their souls because they get emails that say “private jet” and “party in Puerto Rico” and “do you want to come?” and the weak, weak pop culture journalist mewls “yes, pick me!”, even though the event has Calvin Harris headlining and it’s sponsored by a mega drinks brand. Hey, at least I’m telling you straight.
And so off I toddled to spend 72 hours at an enormous resort in Puerto Rico with 1862 competition winners (competition winners that appeared to include the actress Jaime Winstone) to see whether we could survive 30-degree heat, or whether we would disappear, or whatever. There was a party on an island with Ellie Goulding, Kendrick Lamar and Calvin. There were DJs stationed at every pool. In other words, yes, it was the most ridiculous and ambitious premise for a Halloween piss up ever.
But it wasn’t all for nothing because I learned things. Here are some pop culturally nutritious points. Maybe.
1/ It wasn’t entirely a Club 18-30 vibe
Remember all those Ibiza: Uncovered booze docs that they’d show very late at night on Bravo? I sort of imagined Bacardi Triangle to be just like that, with sick in the pool and wet t-shirt competitions at the bar. And when the kerazy club rep-type people started an awkward conga line on the plane on the way there, I thought my worst fears were confirmed. I prepared to have my t-shirt see-throughed by some oi-oi flair barman called Robbo. Except that all of the other wizened hacks just wanted to go back to watching Twilight on their screens. So we did. And it was never spoken of again. Twilight is brilliant.
2/ People really go for Halloween, even in hot weather
How can you go for full-on fancy dress when it’s so humid your eyes are sweating, you might reasonably ask? This legitimate question didn’t seem to bother anyone at Bacardi Triangle, mainly those that had flown in from America and who had sported plunging vests, poolside, the night before. At the Halloween party on the second night, they donned full face paint, wigs and costumes to get into the spooky spirit. I even saw one man braving a fleecy animal onesie. Utterly harrowing.
3/ All parties should be on an island that looks like Shutter Island
The Bacardi Triangle might sound like just 72 hours of lying down by a pool and glugging cocktails but it culminated in a massive beach party on the Saturday night, accessible by boat and headlined by pop stars. The downside of this is that from now on I demand all parties transport me to them on a boat across the sea, rum-filled coconut in hand. The giant triangular rig looked like something that should be at Wireless for 20,000 people than on a tropical island for 2,000. You could have landed the International Space Station on it. All the locals had parked their pimped-out boats up to the shore like the aquatic version of The Fast And The Furious, only with 100% less Vin Diesel and 100% more actual diesel. There was even a buffet. It was totally casual. I do this sort of thing all the time.
4/ Calvin Harris is actually alright
On a rig like that, even a wobble board would sound good. And so, it was with this logic, that I drank everything in sight and fully embraced Calvin Harris’s – aka the Smashing Machine’s – set, which went something like this: high-pitched arpeggio, build up, build up, build up, wait for it, drop, GLITTER CANNON. Or smoke machine. Or fireworks. Apparently he got paid in the region of $1million for that so if it had’ve been pants, he’d have been able to read an enormous ‘SOS CALVIN SUCKS’ in the sand from his helicopter.
5/ Resort raving is becoming ‘a thing’
It’s a winter party trend that appears to be kicking off. Seriously, this is the serious informational bit. Frolicking in swimming pools as DJ blare summery electronic beats is no longer limited to European summer festivals: in November, from the people that bring you Secret Garden Party, there’s Wonderfruit in Thailand, with DJs like Seth Troxler, Damian Lazarus, Jamie Jones and Soul Clap. Or Tropico, at a Mexican resort in December, meanwhile, has Hot Chip DJs, Blonde Redhead and Kelela. And the VH1 Supersonic Festival in Goa between Christmas and New Year’s Eve. So next time it won’t just be me jetting off on a jolly.
I basically took about one good photo the whole time I was there so here’s an official ‘user generated video’.
Updated
Adult's Swim weirdest video yet…
Comedy channel Adult Swim have made their trippiest video ever – an apparently fake promo for an early 90s-style sitcom that slowly turns into a nightmarish horror that David Lynch and Stanley Kubrick would be proud of. And still with the irritatingly hooky, upbeat theme tune that I will now be singing all weekend, even in the shower, when I least expect it. It’s definitely the creepiest thing they’ve done so far. We worry for the minds from whence it came.
Updated
#ReviewAnything has landed
This week we rate and slate a John Lewis Christmas advert parody, some Soviet wallpaper and a laddy clubbing blog post. It’s what journalism is made of.
Here's what T-Pain sounds like without AutoTune
T-Pain, rapper of robotic hits like this…
and this …
… has finally seized the day and taken that silly vocal effect off his singy bits. Listen to him rap for a number of minutes without any whizzes and bangs HERE.
Let's all make a music video in Iceland!
Ah, Iceland, the synonym for all things cool – literally – and discerning in music. Next to fall under its spell is London technoist Jon Hopkins, who is releasing a new EP, Asleep Versions – essentially four “decelerated, dreamlike re-imaginings” of songs from his last year’s Immunity album – on Monday. It’s so ambient it’s post-ambient. So that’s goodbye the sleep app on your phone and hello this on an endless loop. Oh, and look, here is the promo shot in Iceland!
Ice. Frosted branches. Creeks. A solemn man at a piano. On a scale of one to Iceland-y, it’s pretty Iceland-y. 7/10 for Icelandicness.
But is it as Iceland-y as this from Take That?
Mist! Grey skies! Mark Owen stumbling on some rocks. A man I believe to be Mark Orange dragging a mic stand through a ravine (the irony). The sea! 8/10 for all things Iceland-y.
While I’m here, here’s the trailer for music website The 405’s new documentary about the Icelandic music scene, which premiered this week in Reykjavik. That’s proper Icelandicism, a word I just made up, right there.
Sweden smashes how to do pop culture stamps
Sweden’s brilliant, isn’t it? ABBA came from there. IKEA came from there. And they have a feminist party who put out music compilations featuring Peaches and Robyn. Now they’ve made the world’s coolest stamps, graced by their best pop culture exports. And Avicii.
The best we could do was Dame Vera Lynn.
Updated
Simpsons x Futurama = Simpsorama
Like the McBusted of cartoon telly, here’s a clip from this Sunday’s US episode of The Simpsons, in which the squish up on the couch to make room for Bender from Futurama.
It’ll take a lot to beat Homer and Peter’s underbutt carwashing scene from September, from the Simpsons Guy episode, but here’s holding out for a stationary cupboard tryst with Mrs Krabappel and Professor Farnsworth.
A really rather long post about Azealia Banks
Morning. It’s K-Hutch on the live blog today, wading through pop culture’s murky waters to find some shiny pearls.
First up: musicians, eh? They’re making music journalists work harder than ever. Pity all the poor ones that had to sit and wade through 16 Azealia Banks tracks as the US rapper shock-dropped her debut album, Broke With Expensive Taste, on iTunes after eons of hype and waiting, and then getting a bit bored of waiting, and then forgetting last night. Guys, 212 was over three years ago!
We haven’t heard all of it yet (though there’s new trap-rave track Ice Princess up there and some clips down below) but, luckily, Twitter has some wisdom and some links to help us form A Balanced Opinion.
the new azealia banks album would be great if it was 2008 and azealia banks was actually relevant
— Kimberly Murrell (@ri0tgrrrl) November 7, 2014
new azealia banks record is kinda hot. 212 sounds sooo awkwardly out of place, but the rest of it is pretty solid
— Kaleim (@knathani) November 7, 2014
still a bit bewildered at Azealia Banks crossing genres for Nude Beach A Go-Go...from hip-hop to 90s/Beach Boys-style rock
— Tom (@tomballa) November 7, 2014
Azealia Banks dropping the most anticipated album of 2012. Today.
— luke (@LUKEMURTAGH_) November 7, 2014
I'm so sorry Azealia Banks is a complete fool. Her Broke with Expensive Taste album is crazy. Genius.
— PAJM (@PaulArthurJM) November 7, 2014
And here are some clips:
New favorite: Azealia Banks / Nude Beach A-Go-Go http://t.co/8n6iqRauOe @DeezerNederland
— jordi.exe (@jordivanderk) November 7, 2014
#nowplaying Broke with Expensive Taste by Azealia Banks on #deezer http://t.co/OhxKKvk2uG
— mrjamesfoley (@mrjamesfoley) November 7, 2014
Conclusion: as long as you remember to care, it’s kinda great. TBH, I think she’s ace and, yeah, she beefs with all of Twitter and compares people to thumbs, but at least she’s got fire and doesn’t sing about her bum, which is more than you can say about 99.999% of 2014’s pop stars.
