Sickly Times

Monkey has always admired the Times because it was such a classy place to work. So our surprise this morning must only have been outweighed by those staff on the Times business section who arrived at work to find a pile of vomit outside the toilets. Author Bill Bryson, who once worked as a sub for the department, would be shocked, all the more because he has just launched his Clean up Britain campaign, which some of his former colleagues are clearly not paying attention to. The business deparment manager, the redoubtable Jackie Stradling, fired off an All Times Users email headed "and a good morning to you too". "The eternal thanks of the Business section go to whoever it was that made our morning so perfect by leaving a huge pile of vomit on the carpet outside the toilets round here... that's made our working atmosphere even better... hard to imagine, I know, but every little helps!!!! You ought to be ashamed of yourself, whoever you are...." But with no CCTV, it is unlikely that the culprit will ever be found. "Consensus of opinion is that it must be a man, because most self-respecting women would clean that up," a Times mole reports.