Rod Stewart's agent must be thrilled at the news that Uefa plan to bring Super Bowl razzmatazz to Champions League finals, complete with live entertainment from senior rock performers during a (doubtless) extended interval.
The rest of us will wait nervously to see how the Americanisation of football unfolds. A band at half time sounds harmless enough; it is Uefa's taste that is questionable. Will they be able to resist trying to re-form Queen, even though Freddie Mercury is dead and 'We are the Champions' remains a frightful dirge? Are U2 about to lecture us on fair distribution of wealth from a Champions League platform? And - this is the one that has been keeping me awake at nights - even if Posh Spice is readily available, can we make absolutely sure there will be no Janet Jackson-like wardrobe malfunctions?
Personally I would go for Oasis, because they like football and swear a lot. And let's face it, when else are you going to see a Manchester City shirt at a Champions League final? At a time when the manager of a G-14 club can quite callously look down his nose at his neighbours and describe them as small, just because they did not manage to drop anchor in the Champions League's sheltered harbour and were not in the process of selling themselves to American tycoons to keep up with Arsenal and Manchester United, someone has to remind Europe's elite what the authentic voice of the game sounds like.
From the sound of it, Philippe Le Floc'h, Uefa's marketing and media rights director, doesn't have a clue. 'No one questions the rationale for the existence of the Champions League any more,' Le Floc'h said, congratulating himself on estimated marketing revenue of £500million for the current season and pointing out that even G-14's alleged breakaway merchants were happy. 'They acknowledge the success story.'
This sales spin ignores the inconvenient fact that a price has been paid by every domestic league around Europe, with clubs as old and famous as Everton or Spurs not only unable to dream realistically of ever being champions again but subject to occasional sneers from rival managers objecting to their tactics. Yet it cannot be denied that the Champions League is a success story. As a showpiece for the best footballers on earth it has no equal. It puts World Cups into perspective, is far more testing and telegenic than the old European Cup ever was and in its later stages especially can regularly deliver the exciting if not the extraordinary.
If you want to see the best of what football has to offer, tune in to the Champions League. If you want to see what's left over after the country's four top sides have spent their considerable budgets on two teams each, start with Bolton Wanderers and work downwards. Bolton only really have one team, so much so that while Arsenal voluntarily rested Cesc Fabregas and Thierry Henry on Wednesday the home fans bemoaned the absence of Kevin Davies. The fact that Bolton can even compete with Arsenal, let alone beat them on a fairly regular basis, is amazing. It says a lot for coaching as performed by Sam Allardyce, and if football is now about maximising your resources and using all your wit and invention to prevent Champions League clubs having everything their own way then Bolton can found a correspondence course. But this is not football as we have known it, the odds are too firmly tilted in favour of the big players, and a game with no hope of glory for all but a select few will eventually decline in popularity.
Unless Arsene Wenger can be persuaded to start a correspondence course. The Champions League clubs are not necessarily the bad guys in all this and Arsenal in particular have responded to the challenge of running two teams with flair and imagination. Their Carling Cup campaign has been a blast and their FA Cup performance at Bolton was exhilarating considering they were away from home against a supposed bogey side. They left out some of their best players and still attacked all night. Wenger has more resources at his disposal than most managers, though nothing out of the ordinary by Champions League standards. He just seems to have been the first to arrive at the conclusion that an interchangeable, organic two-tier structure is more fun for all concerned than a bunch of overpaid reserves always complaining about the lack of first-team opportunities. And looking at the season Arsenal are having, who can argue? Even if they end up empty-handed again they will have given a lot of pleasure along the way. Except people might wonder, should Arsenal join Bolton in winning no trophies, what a strange sport football has become.
