Q: You break up with your partner, but you are still fond of his or her family. Should you remain in touch with them?
If you were the one who initiated the breakup, the issue may be a tender one. Rather than just showing up on the doorstep of your former partner's family's home unannounced, first ask your ex's permission.
If he or she is hesitant, write a simple note to those family members. They may wish to show their support to their family member by not being in touch with you. You could say, "My door is always open, and I'd love to hear from you once things have calmed down."
You might express how grateful you feel to have been a part of their extended family these past few months or years. Then say, "I don't want to lose my connection with you just because I am changing my relationship with your son/sister, etc."
And if you do end up staying connected to your former partner's family, be classy enough to never speak ill of that person. Don't pressure anyone to take your side in the unresolved disagreements between you.
_ Katherine Woodward Thomas, marriage and family therapist, and author of "Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After"
It is possible to maintain contact with an ex's family.
Discuss this with your ex, and decide together what spending time with his or her family will look like.
Be respectful by seeing his or her family when your ex is not there. And make sure that the contact you have is not a lot. You want to maintain a little more distant relationship with these people than you had before.
Holidays and special events are not the time to spend with his or her family _ even if you are invited. Attending these things will only make for an awkward situation, as well as potentially creating drama at your expense. Visit them at least a few days before or after.
When you are with them, don't talk about your ex, and do not ask questions about him or her. Keep the topics about the other family members, yourself or common hobbies or interests.
_ Dr. Deanna Brann, clinical psychotherapist and author of "Reluctantly Related: Secrets to Getting Along With Your Mother-in-Law or Daughter-in-Law"
