Until recently, cinema ticket prices operated on a level playing field. Now, however, the Odeon chain has opened a trade war by charging £1 extra for this season’s Hollywood blockbusters. If that’s the case, why not charge less for homegrown films, to give them a fair chance? “A blockbuster can cost $250m [£160m] and a UK independent film can cost $4m, but it’s £10 or more to see both,” Zygi Kamasa, head of British distributor Lionsgate, pointed out. His suggestion is to re-level our wallets by pricing the British films at just £4 a ticket.There is clearly only one solution: a flexible, state-regulated price determined by each movie’s individual merits. Let’s get the ball rolling.
The Hobbit: Battle Of The Five Armies – £3
This is one of the “big” movies Odeon is charging a pound extra for. But wait a minute: The Hobbit was one book that’s been split into three movies. Therefore, we should pay a third of the price for each film. Same applies to the Hunger Games: Mockingjay – split it into two films then it’s half-price.
Interstellar – £75
Two tickets for this at the BFI IMAX could set you back a whopping £43. You could fund an actual space mission for that. So let’s! This super-premium tariff would subsidise the construction of a genuine alternative universe for Christopher Nolan to make his next movie in – just outside the asteroid belt.
Mr Turner – £0
Surely auteur-of-the-people Mike Leigh would defend hard-working British filmgoers’ box-office rights? His latest masterpiece was partly taxpayer-funded, via the BFI, added to which it’s about a national hero who bequeathed his paintings to the nation. You can go and see them at the Tate for free. This film is our film!
Leviathan – £150
Yes, it’s a fine, powerful Russian critique of state corruption, but the Russians aren’t really our friends right now, are they? If we’re punishing Putin with economic sanctions over Ukraine, why not hit his cinema exports too?
Redirected – 12p
How could you have overlooked this Anglo-Lithuanian gangster comedy starring Vinnie Jones? The fact that practically everyone did can only have been due to uncompetitive ticket pricing. Flog ’em cheap, throw in some popcorn and it’ll be a smash.
Star Wars: The Force Awakens – £130m
Follow the logic that you can charge more for films people really, really want to see and you get to a point where tickets are so astronomically expensive, only one superfan can afford one – probably Mark Zuckerberg in this case. That sole ticket therefore has to cover the cost of the entire movie. And we all have to beg Zuckerberg to tell us what it was like after. See where this gets you?
