Q: You realize you have a crush on one of your co-workers. Should you confess?
Telling a co-worker you have a crush on him or her is a potential "career killer." Especially if the person is married.
If you insist on saying something to the other person, I would suggest complimenting that person on his or her skills, expertise, great ideas or effective leadership abilities. Keep it positive and professional:
"I really like the way you handled yourself in that meeting. I admire your communication skills and know I can learn a lot from you."
Instead of:
"Wow. I was totally captivated by you in that meeting and thought you looked amazing. I couldn't take me eyes off of you."
In addition to not revealing your true feelings to the "crush-ee," you also want to keep that secret locked away in the vault. It's not a piece of information you want to share with co-workers or friends in the workplace. Unfortunately, that type of news can come back to bite you.
_ Aimee Cohen, author, speaker and career coach at Woman UP
The short answer to your question is no, but we all know people who have fallen in love at the workplace.
Using the work situation to better your personal life is less than classy, and such behavior should be avoided at networking events, office parties and other work-related activities.
However, people do meet and fall in love.
So if you are in a position where you are single and interested in getting to know the other person personally, you need to create a safe context for doing so.
This process is sometimes known as "sidelining." Direct and clear communication is best to keep things from getting messy.
Try saying, "I've enjoyed getting to know the professional you and am wondering if the personal you is just as amazing. May I take you on a date this Thursday?"
Sometimes, there may be mutual interest. This sidelining process can also get you out of a sticky situation should you fall for a married person.
_ Jennifer Rhodes, psychologist and dating coach
Though we're all accountable for our emotions, attraction to someone is often beyond our control. What you can control is what you do with those feelings.
Ask yourself: "Am I in a place to pursue a relationship?"
"Is the person I'm attracted to available?"
"What are my employer's policies regarding workplace relationships?"
For some people, the best action is to acknowledge having feelings for a co-worker. A safe example:
"Henry, I've found that I like you as more than just a co-worker. If I ever decline going to get coffee with you, it's because I don't want my feelings to interfere."
For others, it's best to privately acknowledge the feelings, then limit time and interactions with this person, especially if he or she is married. You certainly would not want to bring temptation to a committed, married person, or worse yet, help to destroy a marriage. A result like this would be worse than striving to secretively get over a crush.
_ Kristin E. Lindeen, speaker on personal accountability and co-author of "The QBQ! Workbook: A Hands-on Tool for Practicing Personal Accountability at Work and in Life"
