Dear Eva,
I’ve been approached on OKCupid by a man in an open marriage. He wants to go on a date. His profile links to his wife’s profile, and it seems pretty clear that they are legit and he isn’t cheating. He is cute and interesting, but I’ve never been involved with someone married before. Should I go out with him?
***
Hey, you.
To be honest, you’re probably jumping the gun: going on one date with someone you meet online usually falls short of being “involved” with someone. Indeed, it usually falls short of remembering the name of the person you went on the date with (Matt’s a good guess, or Dave, they’re often named Dave). So I think going for a drink with this man, if you find him cute and interesting, isn’t something you need to equivocate over too much.
But if you hit it off with him: dating someone who is in an open marriage might be a bit more complex than dating someone who doesn’t have any romantic commitments. It’s not something that I’ve had personal experience with, but I think that if I were considering a relationship with someone in an open marriage, I’d ask to meet the person’s other partner before it got too serious, just to double check that everything is really OK (as any digital dater knows, it’s very easy to fake things online). And to make sure that you like her, too: even if you’re not going to be hanging out, if you’re seriously seeing someone who’s in another relationship, you are bound to cross paths at some point with their other partner, and you don’t want it to be a misery every time it happens.
Above all, the most important thing to remember in this case as in any relationship: always make sure that you’re happy with the terms of the thing, regardless of what kind of relationship it is. Going along with something that doesn’t feel right to you because you’re trying to make another person happy by letting him or her dictate its form is a swift route to tears and shouting.
Love,
Eva
•••
Dear Eva,
I met this girl on Tinder a couple of weeks ago. I tried to message her but she never replied. Then she sent me her Snapchat username, and I added her. Again, I messaged her, but she didn’t reply. I think she’s a real person because I’ve seen her photos on Snapchat. She seems like a nice girl that I would like to meet someday. Today she sent me a picture to my inbox. What should I do? Is she just playing games or what? I really don’t know.
***
Hey, you.
She may be a real person, but she’s not a very friendly real person if she’s not responding to your messages! You wouldn’t hold out hope for someone who was this chilly in person; keep swiping until you find someone who actually wants to meet you in the world. You will.
Love,
Eva
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