“Shopping is in my top three most stressful things ever,” says 11-year-old Emma Norrington. “I hate the noise, loud music, bright lights, people and faces everywhere. I just want to get out and it makes me stressed for the whole day.”
For her mother, Rachel, shopping continues to be a reminder of how difficult some seemingly everyday activities are for Emma. “At home you make things easy. You adapt and get on with life, but something like buying a pair of shoes can really highlight the problems. To be honest it can be hideous,” she says.
“I remember having to leave a full trolley and walk out with Emma screaming under my arm,” she adds. “It is stressful for her and for us.”
Rachel’s best strategy is avoidance. Grocery shopping, and anything else possible, is done online or without children in tow. Clothes – which Emma shows little interest in beyond comfort – are always chosen by Rachel.
“With somewhere like a supermarket, even if you go when it is quiet it is still too much. Emma manages OK with her routines but shopping has too much unpredictability, too many social challenges and too much sensory overload.”
Any suggestion of going food shopping would, says Rachel, be met with a meltdown and refusal to leave the house.
Diagnosed at the age of seven, Emma is gradually coping better with shops. “Now she would make it very obvious that she wanted to leave but we would probably be able to pay for the shopping first, so things are better.”
Rachel says having a list is helpful on occasions when a quick visit to the shops is unavoidable, such as when they may need to pick up some essentials on the way back home from somewhere.
“If I see exactly where we are going, what we are getting and I know there won’t be browsing,” says Emma. “I feel less stressed and I know it will be quick.”
The family has gradually learned other ways of lowering Emma’s anxiety, and identified some shops that she finds more manageable.
“It is better if I know the shop already, they are small, quiet, they don’t rush you and they don’t suddenly change the displays, which I find very confusing,” says Emma.
Listening to music with earphones is a soothing distraction and helps soften sensory demands. “The soundtrack from the musical Hamilton is my favourite at the moment,” Emma says.
“Having Emma push the trolley also helps her feel more grounded and in control,” adds Rachel.
Some shopping trips are inescapable, as items have to be fitted, and these are often hard to deal with. “Shoe shopping can be a horrendous experience,” Rachel says.
“I just find it so confusing,” says Emma. “As soon as you get in there you have to choose from so many – then the assistant is poking around your feet, asking if it hurts here or there, then Mum’s telling me to walk around. Everyone is asking me if they are OK,” says Emma.
“When I have people saying different things, asking me too many questions, I can’t do anything and I just want to bury my head in a cushion.”
All too often, Rachel says, the result is a pair of shoes that doesn’t fit. “She says they are fine to get out as quick as possible.”
If the shoes are unworn Rachel returns them, but a second stressful trip is unavoidable. “It is a double whammy because she still needs shoes,” says Rachel.
Explaining that Emma is on the autism spectrum – with her permission – can make a real difference. “I can tell assistants about her sensory problems, that sometimes just a seam or a label will be unbearable, or that a pattern might make her eyes go funny, and also that she needs more time and quiet,” says Rachel.
Emma finds being left to make her own decisions, and not feeling rushed, reduces her anxiety. “I have to figure it out. I prefer not to be asked questions.”
Mindful that shopping is an important life skill, Emma’s parents are keen that she does begin to build positive experiences.
As an avid reader, bookshops are often a success. “The bookshop in our village is small and not busy,” says Emma. “I actually really like it in there.”
Find out how you can help: the National Autistic Society is asking everyone to make one small change to help reduce the overload for autistic people.
To find out more about autism and the change you can make, visit autism.org.uk/tmi
