Shirley Ballas has said that she may never return to Strictly Come Dancing after online trolls left her 'crying and emotional'.
Shirley, 62, experienced a torrent of abuse from internet users, with messages that she branded as 'truly awful'. The dancing ace hasn't ruled out a return as she admits that her 'heart and loyalty lie' with the BBC, but hasn't yet signed on for a new series.
It comes after irate Strictly fans questioned the head judge's decisions, and accused her of ageism and sexism - all while taking cruel swipes at her appearance.
Speaking to the Mirror, the dance champion turned TV expert reveals: "Last year I was struggling. It wasn’t just a little bit, it was a lot – the majority of it was in silence.
"I felt the abuse snowballed out of control and impacted me in such a negative way. I’m a pretty stoic person, and I tend to hold everything in. When it all kicked off, it seemed like it was larger than anything else.
"I was crying, I was emotional, but I was embarrassed about being so emotional. I didn’t want to talk to anybody about it.
"And that was an all-time low since I joined the show – it was the most negativity I’d ever experienced. The BBC were brilliant, checking in on me and offering counselling and support."
Shirley replaced Len Goodman as head judge in 2017. When asked if she has considered quitting the show, she replied carefully: "It was a difficult series, I’ll leave it at that.
"After the Strictly tour I decided to take a break from TV and re-focus on my own industry for a while, to protect my sanity. I’m fortunate I have two jobs, running parallel, so it was much easier to take a break from TV and look after myself and my well-being.
"Will I go back to Strictly? I always take one step at a time. I absolutely love the job. If it was just that, and there was nothing else surrounding it, I can’t think of a more rewarding job to do."
It was the scale of trolling – one in five messages were hate-filled – and the vitriolic tone which shook Shirley.
Many slammed her over her casting vote in the Strictly dance-offs.
Shirley goes on: "At one point I had thousands of messages coming in if I sent someone home. Some of the messages were truly awful.
"It didn’t matter what I did, I didn’t like old people, I didn’t like young people, I didn’t like men, I didn’t like women. I just felt like no matter what I said, I couldn’t win.
"I’m proud of the fact I can sleep at night when it comes to the judgments I make on dancing. I’ve never regretted sending someone home based on their performance in the dance-off, even if my heart has ached for them, and all the effort they’ve put in.
"Some people did also attack how I looked. But I’ve had husbands in the past who haven’t critiqued me in the best light, so I’ve built a wall around that.
"I don’t need anyone to say to me, ‘You’ve got thin hair, why are you using extensions, your ears are too big, did you know your nose is crooked, you’ve got a funny eye’. I’m my own worst critic."
She adds with a chuckle: "Just call me wonky, one-eyed Shirley. Big-eared, wonky one-eyed Shirley, how does that sound?"
Shirley, who stars alongside fellow Strictly judges Anton Du Beke, Craig Revel Horwood and Motsi Mabuse, says she has leaned on partner Danny Taylor for support.
Outside of Strictly, Shirley has plenty of other projects on the go – including her writing.
"This year I have the Ballas Cup – an event I’m hosting on May 14 at The Porchester Hall, Bayswater, which will allow dancers from beginner level to professional to compete. I’m hugely excited, it should be a great day, and I’d love the public to come along and spectate. It will be fun, fair and fabulous!
"I’ve also got a two-part novel series coming out, and I’m working on a project that will give couples who want to learn a wedding dance somewhere to go."
Shirley’s son Mark with his partner Charlie D’Amelio won Dancing with the Stars – the US version of Strictly – last year and when asked if she could find a role on that show she says "Who knows what the future holds?"
She goes on: "But my heart and loyalty lie with the BBC, for sure. They gave me my TV break and have always been there for me."
Shirley also addresses her future with strictly, saying: "If I am back on Strictly this year, I am going to have someone filtering my social media, so I don’t see every comment. I will also try not to take things so personally as I’ve realised that I’m not alone when it comes to online trolling. I’ll say to myself, ‘Come on Shirley, you’re not the only one’.
"As they say, if the kitchen’s too hot, get out. But if it’s not, tie on the apron, do up your hair and get on with it."
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