On October 15, 2017, American actress Alyssa Milano posted on Twitter, "If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote 'Me too' as a status, we might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem".
I was a reluctant participant in the debate on the Crimes Legislation Amendment (Sexual Consent Reforms) Bill 2021 in Parliament this week, but I felt a responsibility to speak for survivor advocates, and victim survivors who have fought so hard for this legislation.
In 2007 as I lay frozen with tears rolling down my cheeks, unable to speak, while a man sexually assaulted me, I never imagined that I would ever talk about it to anyone.
Ten years later, I was appointed to the position of NSW Shadow Minister for the Prevention of Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault, and trying to cope with the triggering and vicarious trauma of listening to other victim survivors.
In May 2017, I blurted out "well, not in my experience" to Newcastle Herald journalist Damon Cronshaw when he was interviewing me about sexual assault on campus.
Damon questioned the rape myth that sexual assault was something that only happened to young attractive women and for the first time I felt "heard", even though I had been too scared to speak.
I still vividly remember that moment, when I could have walked back my "not in my experience" with "that's not what victim survivors tell me", but it was time to speak out.
The desire myth is one of the most dangerous and damaging myths about rape and sexual assault; that it is about sexual attraction, or misplaced desire, or lust gone wrong - when it is really about power and violence and control.
The desire myth is one of the most dangerous and damaging myths about rape and sexual assault.
I had gone through life wearing my self-deprecating labels as "a studious girl", "married", "a mum" or "middle aged" (whoever I felt I was at the time) as some kind of rape protection, because surely they meant I would always be safe from sexual assault.
But none of us are safe from sexual assault until we are all safe. And understanding consent is vital to that.
In 2019, I joined with Walkley Award winning journalist and survivor Nina Funnell and other survivors such as Grace Tame, Saxon Mullins, Bri Lee, Sharna Bremner, Van Badham, Tara Moss and Jane Caro in the #LetHerSpeak campaign.
Grace Tame had been prevented from speaking out about her sexual assault by laws in Tasmania.
The perpetrator was free to speak about her case, and often did.
In Grace Tame's speech to the National Press Club in March this year she said it was crucial to let sexual assault survivors speak out in the way they wanted to.
She said we should respect their wishes, and not indulge in the scandal and salacious details, but work on the recovery, and on the change that we need to bring on as a society.
Survivor stories are so important.
Bri Lee and Chanel Contos have also been important in bringing those stories to our attention.
By telling our own stories, we help others understand what has happened to them. I didn't understand my own freeze response, until I heard about it from other survivors.
I blamed myself for not fighting, for not running away.
I honestly thought I must have been drugged for years afterwards as I couldn't understand ever having been that afraid that I couldn't move.
As I said in the #LetHerSpeak campaign: "Once you have told your story, you can release some of its power over you."
In sharing those stories, we emancipate all victims and survivors of sexual assault.
Now the law is going to change, it's crucial we continue to work on ensuring that everyone is treated with the respect they deserve, and that people actually understand the laws that we are changing.
As I have long campaigned for, consent education is vital to ensuring this legislation is complied with.
I don't want any convictions from this legislation, but not because it is too hard to prove consent, or because victim survivors continue to fail to report.
I want us to have changed the myths, assumptions and behaviours that allow sexual assault to occur.
This bill must not be just a change in words, but in education, in deeds and in actions.
Until we are all safe.
