THURSDAY
NEWS breaks that the Old Fox of Redfern is in strife for breaching the NRL's biosecurity protocols.
Oh no, I think to myself, what's he done?
A TikTok dance with a roomful of female admirers?
A camping trip with shotguns and motorbikes? A revenge porn video?
Nope, none of the above.
The master coach has instead gone for a bite of lunch with his partner at an Italian restaurant in Leichhardt.
I can't help thinking this is political correctness gone mad.
All around the world, over-70s are masking up and hiding under their beds, cowering away from the bubonic plague.
Not our Benny. He looks the dreaded disease straight in the eye, daring it to go ahead, make my day.
The great man should be hailed as a courageous role model for all OAPs, not some sort of bubble-breaching menace to society.
As usual, it's the bloody media's fault. The muck-raking drama queens have created a storm in a pasta bowl.
FRIDAY
THE NRL Nazis not only order the master coach to spend two weeks in isolation, they've hit him with a $20,000 fine.
It's an outrage. I find it hard to understand how the Old Fox can be on the Project Apollo committee that makes the rules, yet when he breaks them, he has no say in his own sanction. How is that fair?
And the powers-that-be have completely ignored his perfectly valid explanation: "I'm allowed to eat, aren't I?"
Too right. The big dog has to eat, and so does the Old Fox.
Various theories have surfaced to explain why Benny has decided to run the biosecurity gauntlet.
One is that it's a special occasion and the old romantic wants to spend a couple of hours gazing into the eyes of his better half.
Alternatively, some are saying he had a two-for-one shopping-docket voucher that was due to expire.
Whatever the case, 20 grand is a pricey feed by anyone's measure.
Here's hoping the waiting staff weren't expecting a tip.
In other news, another ex-Knights coach, Nathan Brown, can't confirm or deny he's scored himself a new job with the Warriors.
"I won't speculate on speculation," Browny says.
SATURDAY
I FIND myself wondering how the Old Fox will keep himself from going stir crazy during his two weeks in isolation.
Then I remember some comments by Kevin Walters from a few years back, when he was lodging at the great man's place while they were both working for the Knights.
"Wayne's pretty good at sitting on the lounge . . . he likes watching John Wayne movies," Kevvy revealed on radio, back in 2014.
"The Duke" apparently made 91 films during his career, which should keep the great man going for a while.
Once he's finished them, he can move onto his stash of Clint Eastwood DVDs.
Meanwhile, the theory that AFL players aren't the full quid is reinforced when vision emerges of two Richmond Tigers groping teammate Mabior Chol during the team song.
My Seven Days predecessor, Kevin Cranson, used to refer to aerial ping pong as "an undignified schoolyard scramble played out in front of 100,000 Victorian simpletons".
I reckon we could update that to "an undignified schoolyard scramble played out by perverts in front of 100,000 Victorian simpletons".
SUNDAY
The Old Fox's other half is reported to have "lashed out on Instagram", firing the following broadside at his critics: "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones #just saying. The truth will hurt some people #staytuned #benikin."
I'm not really sure what she's getting at, but no doubt her old man will be thrilled about such a staunch display of public support.
Foxtel commentator Braith Anasta distances himself from the drama, insisting that even though he was dining at the same restaurant, he's not the whistle-blower.
"I've never refereed a game in my life," an indignant Anasta declares.
The Warriors confirm that they've offered Brown their coaching job for the next three years.
I wonder how this news has been received across the ditch.
"Accused rapist would be outstanding signing, says Warriors coach," is the headline on the New Zealand Herald website.
It's probably not the reaction the club was hoping for.
MONDAY
PENNIES coach Ivan Cleary is facing a $20,000 fine for comments about the referees that ARL Commission chairman Peter V'landys labels "deplorable".
What exactly did he say?
Apparently it went like this: "It felt like they were being managed back in the game so, I don't know. That's all I can say. Some really, really strange calls."
Jeez, 20 grand doesn't buy much these days. It was only a few years ago that Geoff Toovey had his "there's gotta be an investigation into this" meltdown and was fined $10,000.
Bringing the game into disrepute has apparently been hard hit by inflation.
TUESDAY
PENRITH chairman Dave O'Neill reckons post-match press conferences should be delayed 24 hours so that coaches are less inclined to risk blow-ups and fines.
It's a fair point. Then again, if we give Dave another 24 hours, will he realise how stupid this idea is?
WEDNESDAY
BRONCOS coach Anthony Seibold is in quarantine, Tevita Pangai Jnr is facing the sack and 10 players are in strife for having lunch in a pub. Looks like it's been another slow news week up in the Banana Republic.
IN THE NEWS:
- NRL: Knights get lucky after two players cleared of COVID-19 breach
- A-League: Jets striker Roy O'Donovan eyes 50-goal milestone
- NNSW NPL: Warners Bay improve, Magic in sight of outright lead
- Rugby Union: Shute Shield call-up seven months after back surgery
- Racing: Paul Perry stable makes flying start to 2020-21 season
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