THURSDAY
FOXTEL'S clown prince Nathan Hindmarsh raises an intriguing question during his weekly sit-down with Matty Johns and Bryan Fletcher: can you catch coronavirus from farts?
It sounds ludicrous, but Hindy quotes a news.com.au report that states "people infected with coronavirus shed fragments of the virus in their faeces and this can be detected in wastewater".
Toohey's News: Listen to Barry Toohey's new podcast in your Podcast app
Dr Norman Swan says people should take care where they let rip, before reassuringly adding: "We wear a mask that covers our farts all the time," referring to underpants and clothing.
Further research leads me to the highly respected English tabloid Daily Star, which notes: "Doctors have previously warned farts contain tiny poo particles that can spread bacteria."
It's a bit of a dilemma for NRL officials, who have promised unprecedented biosecurity measures to ensure the season resumes on May 28. Presumably there will be a crackdown on on-field spitting and bush hankies ... but what can be done to prevent a silent-but-deadly merchant from striking in a scrum?
FRIDAY
IT'S not a great week to be a CEO, as Rugby Australia boss Raelene Castle jumps before she gets pushed.
Poor old Raelene. Sure the code lost $9.4 million last year, became embroiled in a circus starring Israel Folau and the Wallabies deteriorated from a basket case to a rabble. Other than that, she did a top job. You have to feel for her. I mean, it's a long queue at Centrelink these days, but at least she'll have Toddy Greenberg to keep her company.
SATURDAY
EIGHTH Immortal, a five-year-old gelding part-owed by Andrew Johns, wins an 1100-metre maiden handicap at Gosford. Did the great man back it? Apparently not. According to those in the know, Joey's money was riding on runner-up Midland, trained by his mate Kris Lees.
SUNDAY
ANOTHER uneventful weekend appears to have come and gone without any off-field dramas involving locked-down NRL players.
This strikes me all as too good to be true.
As I wrote last week: "Remarkably, in the month since the NRL was suspended, I can't recall a single off-field incident. It's hard to imagine that trend continuing."
Surely some of these blokes must be on the verge of going stir crazy.
MONDAY
AND the Dally M gold medal for dumbo of the year goes to ... Josh Addo-Carr. Runner-up, Latrell Mitchell.
Honestly, why would any NRL player with half a brain breach the government's stringent coronavirus protocols, and then post the evidence on social media?
Addo-Carr claims the camping trip on a property near Taree was a "cultural gathering ... learning about our land and our culture, learning how to hunt, live off the land". Mitchell and Addo-Carr are proud indigenous men. Fair enough. But I'm not sure that the original Australians used to hunt kangaroos with bolt-action rifles and motorbikes.
TUESDAY
Addo-Carr and Mitchell cop $20,000 fines from the NRL, plus $1000 apiece from the police for breaking social-distancing rules. They will also have to answer firearms charges in court.
Meanwhile, Panthers half Nathan Cleary is also four grand out of pocket after photos surface of him with what appears a harem of female house guests.
Fringe Knight Tyronne Roberts-Davis must be cursing his luck. He's been fined five grand after being photographed on a dirt bike alongside Addo-Carr.
Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
WEDNESDAY
VIDEOS emerge that cause further embarrassment for Cleary ... although it's fair to say they are far tamer than home movies featuring his housemate, Tyrone May, more than 12 months ago.
