On Monday night, late-night hosts weighed in on Donald Trump’s erratic statements on Iran, rising oil prices and the shuttering of every budget-conscious traveller’s favorite low-cost airline.
Seth Meyers
Seth Meyers opened his Monday night monologue with news of a new poll finding that Americans are overwhelmingly opposed to the Iran war and Trump’s plan to peacefully guide oil tankers through the strait of Hormuz.
“Oh wait, I’m getting word that the administration has unveiled a new name for the mission,” the host joked. “Let’s see, what is it called: Operation Clusterfuck.”
Meyers then reacted to a new Ipsos poll which showed Trump’s disapproval ratings at a record 62%, in large part due to gas prices rising $1.50 a gallon since the start of the Iran war.
“Trump’s disapproval is at an all-time high: higher than Covid and January 6 – a virus and a riot,” the host said. “That’s how much people hate high gas prices. Trump could release an army of bats infested with Covid to attack the Capitol, to fly away with Ted Cruz … but if gas prices were under $2, voters would be like: ‘Hey, it could be worse.’
“But I just have a quick question for the 37% who approve [of Trump],” said Meyers. “What’s your deal? I get that you’re Maga but what do you actually approve of? Is it worth it for you to pay high gas prices if it means liberals also pay high gas prices? Is that how much you want to own the libs – at the cost of owning thyself?”
The host then turned to news of the supreme court’s voting rights decision and Florida passing a new congressional map that would pave the way for Republicans to gain four seats in the midterms, with the Republican senator Ron Johnson claiming on Fox News that Democrats want to nationalize elections with automatic voter registration and mail-in ballots.
“That’s your nightmare scenario, automatic voter registration?” asked Meyers. “That sounds awesome. It shouldn’t be harder to vote than to gamble on sports.”
The host then moved to discuss the closing of Spirit Airlines. “Spirit flights, God bless them, were chaos. Running down the jetway to get a seat, and overhead space was like racing through an obstacle course on Wipeout.”
“Here’s the thing though: it was a budget airline that employed 17,000 people and made flying affordable for millions more. Now it’s out of business due to high fuel costs from the Iran war.”
Stephen Colbert
On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert discussed Iran’s 14-point plan to end the war that the country submitted to the US this weekend. In response, Trump posted an image where he appeared to be holding a hand of playing cards accompanied by the caption: “I have all the cards.”
“This is cool, except you might notice that the cards Trump is holding are from the game Uno,” said Colbert. “Where, quite famously, the aim is to get rid of all your cards.
“The longer this [war] goes on, the worse things get for average consumers,” the host added before showing headlines of crude oil hitting record high prices. “I’d say Iran has America over a barrel, but we can’t afford a barrel. Can we do this over a bucket?
“You’ve got to give it to President Trump,” Colbert deadpanned. “He campaigned on $2 gas and he’s now delivering twice what he promised.”
Colbert then turned to news that Spirit Airlines is shutting down all operations after a failed attempt to secure a $500m government bailout. “Oh, no, I have three more weeks of shows to do,” he said. “Now I won’t have Spirit Airlines jokes?
“Quick, somebody check on Arby’s, the Spirit Airlines of shaved beef.”
A statement from the low-cost airline announced their closure by saying: “All flights have been cancelled, and customer service is no longer available.” “Which, coincidentally, was also Spirit’s motto,” Colbert joked.
Colbert then jokingly reassured audiences that at least “safe and reliable” airlines like United are still in business. He then played a video of a United Airlines plane striking a bakery truck on the New Jersey turnpike on Sunday.
“I know that is shocking,” the host concluded. “But don’t forget, this accident was predicted 25 years ago by the opening of The Sopranos.”
Jimmy Kimmel
Jimmy Kimmel tore into Trump’s late-night social media posting spree this weekend, during which the president posted “thinly veiled but definitely racist” comments about Hakeem Jeffries, and a seemingly AI generated image of himself taking a dip in the Liberty Memorial reflecting pool with members of his cabinet.
“Based on his social media activity, there were only five nights over the last month when the president could have possibly gotten a full night’s sleep,” said Kimmel. “Now, in fairness Trump does take nice little naps, mostly during the national security meetings.”
We are now in the 10th week of what Trump has been calling his “mini war” on Iran. “Week 10 is significant, because under the war powers resolution, the president is supposed to get approval from Congress for any military action that goes on longer than 60 days,” said Kimmel. “We are now above 60 days but he has no intention whatsoever of getting permission.”
Trump erroneously insists that Congress’s approval has never been needed before, asking: “Why should we be different?”
“And by never, he means 11 times,” laughed Kimmel. “It must be so freeing to be able to lie with no factchecking whatsoever. He’s like FatGPT, he just churns out the information.”
The host concluded with news that syphilis is on the rise with a spike of 700%, per CDC reports. “All the great diseases are making a comeback,” Kimmel said. “Syphilis, measles, Kanye, you name it.”
The host then also turned to the news of Spirit Airlines shutting down: “This announcement is a particularly bitter pill for those of us who host late-night talkshows. Spirit being terrible is something every person got immediately, and that’s hard to replace. We are taking applications. I’ve got my eye on you, Allegiant.
“But at least Spirit died doing what they love, which is being the worst airline in the history of the world,” Kimmel said.
