Late-night hosts covered Donald Trump’s latest press conference while also discussing the FBI investigation into supreme court nominee Brett Kavanaugh’s alleged misconduct.
Seth Meyers
On Late Night with Seth Meyers, the host spoke about the president’s “surreal” presser that turned from talk of a trade deal to the accusations against Kavanaugh.
While taking questions from journalists, Trump dismissed and disrespected two female journalists. “How much of a sexist dick can you possibly be?” Meyers asked.
As the president spoke about Kavanaugh’s drinking, he joked that it’s a good thing he doesn’t drink himself as he would be the worst person. “What’s amazing about that joke is that inherent in the premise is that he already sucks,” Meyers said.
He continued: “I know Trump has never had a beer in his life but he talks like a guy begging the bartender to give him back his keys.”
Meyers then showed footage from Friday’s session in Congress which saw Chuck Grassley and Dianne Feinstein argue over what time the session should end. “It’s like watching your grandparents try to operate a parking meter,” he said.
As the FBI conducts a one-week-long investigation into Kavanaugh, the White House has prepared a list of people they should and shouldn’t speak to. “If you start out an investigation by listing all the things you’re not investigating then that’s not a real investigation,” he joked.
Stephen Colbert
On The Late Show, Stephen Colbert spoke about Kavanaugh’s performance during his hearing, saying he “avoided embracing the truth”.
He moved on to Trump’s press conference, when the president said it wasn’t up to him to tell the FBI what to do. “Everything is up to you! That’s the job!” Colbert joked.
Trump claimed that the investigation would be a good thing for Kavanaugh, which Colbert agreed with. “Maybe he’ll find out what he was doing when he was blackout drunk,” he said.
During the same presser, Trump also said that everyone present also had similar problems in their past. “Trump just assumes everyone has skeletons in their closets,” he said.
He then claimed that the only person who doesn’t is Vice-President Mike Pence. “Yeah I’m sure the guy who can’t be alone with women and calls his wife mother has a healthy attitude towards sex,” he joked.
Trevor Noah
Defending Kavanaugh by implicating the entire Senate, and strong-arming our neighbors into a new NAFTA? Just another loco day for President Trump. pic.twitter.com/J8CXGzAqCs
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) October 2, 2018
On The Daily Show, Trevor Noah reminded everyone of Trump saying we would all win so much that we would be tired of winning. “It’s safe to say that he was very right about us being tired,” he said.
He spoke about Monday’s press conference and the trade deal that Trump was happy with. “We’re already seeing a 300% increase in Trump’s bragging,” he said. “Clearly he took that victory lap inside a tanning bed.”
Noah also rejected the idea that Pence would be unlikely to have a skeleton in his closet. “A lot of the time it’s the squeaky-clean person who has the darkest secrets,” he said. “I wouldn’t be surprised if we found out that Mike Pence has a secret S&M diaper fetish.”
He also joked about Trump’s assertion that he would be the worst drunk. “I never thought I’d say these words but I totally agree with Donald Trump,” he said. “I think Trump is so crazy that he’s the one guy who’d become a better person when he’s drunk.”
