So you’ve moved to HQ. Congrats! You’ve given up on the field and adventure to take a higher position in an office in the normal world.
Sure, you had your reasons. Perhaps you were missing flush toilets and vegetables; maybe you were drawn by the allure of cheese and wine. Most likely it was the higher paycheck. Will others judge you? Absolutely, but they’re probably just jealous of your all-access pass to regular people and winter sports.
Along with all the other things you are planning to do (hello balcony garden!), you might be thinking of entering the scary world of dating.
Going from a choice between ten people and thousands can be intimidating. There is also the fact that potential lovers might now expect you to be more committed. Exciting? Utterly terrifying? Gut wrenching? All the above?
There are three basic types of people you are going to encounter in HQ: humanitarians, civilians and financiers. Let’s break them down.
Humanitarians
Ahhhh, humanitarians, or possibly development people. Either way they will be able to relate to you at least somewhat. Shared stories of conflicts and donors will help you to form a strong bond with these men and women. They understand why you’re scared of fireworks and why you are always looking for the exit in a room in case a riot breaks out.
Caution is needed though, as flaky aid boys/girls are just as flaky at HQ as they were in the field. Often running off for field trips or even to experience a better party, they sometimes appear desperate to absorb the things that drove them to HQ in the first place. You may always feel like these humanitarians are looking over their shoulder – literally or figuratively.
However, many of them have never really done fieldwork. They believe taking trips to the field (never exceeding a few days) count. They can get really testy if you point out it doesn’t.
Overall: Proceed with caution. You left the field for a reason, dating another humanitarian might be regression.
Civilians
Civilians, normal people as some call them, or those who are not humanitarians.
Civilians do not feel the need to rush off into danger, and are not well-versed in the latest attacks in Bangladesh or Juba. Their first instinct is not to check whether friends or loved ones are alive when a plane has crashed because their life is at HQ. They are stable and adoring. Be very, very careful as they will fall in love with you.
On the one hand, while they may not understand your particular brand of madness, they will listen with rapt attention to even the most mundane story from the field. Goats or other unusual pets are often big hits.
You’ll have to ease them into the story about that near kidnapping or the time you were almost bombed, but, if properly conditioned, they should not freak out and run screaming. No guarantees of course. Try testing a few people on Tinder first, find out who reacts to the mention of how a really bad bout of giardia is acting up again or the name you gave your tapeworm.
Overall: Over time you’ll find yourself having more in common with civilians, after you finally develop some of those hobbies you’ve been meaning to pick up.
Bonus: Civilians are less likely to be running around the world, so they could provide a stable base for eventually transitioning into consultancies and short-term contracts.
Financiers
Yes, financiers are civilians but they are an entirely different breed. They come with big warning labels.
Whether HQ for you means Geneva, London or New York, you will inevitably encounter this variation. Well-dressed with an expensive haircut, they may make you feel a tad self-conscious of the fact that you’re still sporting a hairdo supplied by that woman in a local hut. Not to mention the fact that much of your clothes are off-label or knock-offs.
Do not worry though, for at least a short period of time your eccentricities will entice financiers. You are different from the others – more independent, less impressed by their flashy money and antics. You’ll challenge them and, perhaps, they’ll challenge you back. This could make for a fun battle. At the very least the bedroom stuff should be good.
Overall: It may not end up being a love connection, but it doesn’t hurt to get a nice vacation out of them before it ends. An expensive island destination is recommended.
Conclusion
You’re almost prepared to enter into the world of HQ dating. Yay! But one final note before you go on any dates with strangers – always remember the buddy system and check in with friends. Stay safe. You’re no longer dating one of the five expats in the village. Anonymity is both a blessing and a concern.
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