Relationships happen in every workplace, and aid work is no different. In fact check out any aid worker’s Facebook page and you’re guaranteed to find evidence of lots of socialising in the field. And by socialising, I mean parties, sex and lots of drunken adventures. No matter how remote a field location might be, someone will always have a stash of alcohol, an iPod filled with music and a venue for a party. In fact I’ve often found the more remote a field location is, the more crazy the parties are – it’s probably down to the need to let off steam and the effort it takes to get party supplies so far from a big city. But what happens when workplace hook-ups become genuine relationships?
Just like any workplace if you spend 12 plus hours there a day, you are more than likely to find friends and possibly your future partner in the same context. But work relationships occupy a bigger grey area in the humanitarian sector than in other career fields. For example, NGOs go to great lengths to regulate relationships between employees and “beneficiaries”, ie the people that we are working to help. If an aid worker was dating a refugee for example, he or she would probably have to declare this to their supervisor. There are no clear guidelines as to when this should take place but it re-defines awkward to think of having that conversation with your manager. You may as well get your parents on Skype too.
Many other professionals, such as doctors or police officers, face similar regulations. But for aid workers there are no staff unions to offer guidance and legal protections for employees can be unclear if you are working in one country, the organisation is officially based in another and you are a national of a third country.
Lines may be clearer if you are dating someone who works in a different organisation. However, one of my lowest professional moments came when I complained to my boss about the idiot who was coordinating a project between multiple organisations, only to learn soon after that they were dating. Despite their reassurances that their partner’s after work persona was nothing like their professional demeanour I could never look at my boss in the same way.
However, what happens when a relationship takes place between two people in the same team? It is not uncommon to find a senior manager with a partner reporting directly to him or her. This raises issues about the integrity of staff appraisal processes, but it can also be extremely problematic for other members of the team. How do you raise complaints about a colleague to someone who may be their manager by day but their partner at night? Can you ever feel truly comfortable when you are working in a team with a couple or will you always feel slightly reserved and on guard?
There’s also the small personal gripes – they are always going to take annual leave at the same time together, they are always going to get the pool car and the best room in the guesthouse. There are greater concerns too – such as a potential conflict of interest depending on the positions both people occupy. This could arise when both people are signatories for approving matters to do with employment, procurement or even finance. Can a senior manager be an honest broker if their partner is involved in a dispute?
Many organisations take an “out of sight, out of mind” attitude to this issue. It might depend on the culture of the organisation and the relevant legislation in their headquarters. Even if NGO colleagues wanted to declare a relationship, who would they report to and how would other staff be informed? Should it be HR’s responsibility to be attuned to the implications of personal relationships occurring in the office?
This is muddy, murky territory for any workplace. But it goes to the core of the credibility and integrity of humanitarian aid work, to paraphrase one organisation’s code of conduct document. When double standards are maintained for staff – beneficiary relationships as compared to workplace relationships – then NGOs could be accused of having one policy for “us” and one policy for “them”. When a relationship occurs in a procurement department, or a human resources department, it could have serious implications for the principle of transparency. It could negatively impact how an NGO is perceived by the communities it serves, others in the sector and the wider public. So what is the way forward?
NGOs need to face up to the likelihood of these scenarios. They need to find ways to have honest conversations with staff, put firewalls in place if couples are directly reporting to each other and to understand the difficulties other colleagues may face in working amid such team dynamics. Despite the glamour of “emergency sex” the reality of workplace romances is far more complicated.
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