Price £25,495
MPG 58.9
Top speed 129mph
There are a few shameful episodes hiding in my motoring memory bank (the reckless speeding on country roads, the KFC family bucket emptied out of the window at 60mph, the middle finger to that old lady), but this was a real low-point. I’d been on the road all day lugging my daughter’s stuff home from university (where did she get all this junk?) and was reversing into a tight spot outside our house. I noticed in my mirror that there was a bloke waiting behind me in a new Jag. He took exception to something, I’m still not sure what, and decided the best course of action was to pull alongside me and shout through my open window: “ARSEHOLE!”
I was incredulous – and then incensed. I rammed the car back into gear and drove after him, grinding both my fists into the horn as hard as I could. It was a weird slow-mo chase as he kept braking in front of me to go over each speed bump. After about 200 yards I started to feel a bit foolish as he had no intention of stopping to discuss the matter further. Then I realised the horn had got stuck and wouldn’t stop blaring its head off. I sheepishly took the next right while Jag Man went straight ahead. It was only when I got back home and turned the engine off that the horn stopped… Anyway, that showed him!
The ironic thing is that the car I’d spent the day in, the Seat X-PERIENCE, is a calm, unruffled all-rounder which ate the miles to Bristol and back and swallowed all my daughter’s worldly goods without a murmur. I should have been feeling relaxed and tranquil rather than going all Roy Keane.
The X-PERIENCE (novelty car names are so X-ASPERATING) is the newest member of the Leon branch of the Seat family. It has permanent four-wheel drive. The ride has been jacked up and it’s been kitted out with metal bash plates, front and back, as well as plenty of plastic cladding around the bumpers and wheel arches. This makes it look like a bit of a bruiser – or a large Tonka toy at least.
We’ve become obsessed with these soft roaders or “faux-by-fours”. The Volkswagen Group, which owns Seat as well as Skoda and Audi, can’t churn them out fast enough and the family estate in each range now comes with this “meaner” option. There’s the Audi Allroad, VW Alltrack, Skoda Scout and now the Seat X-PERIENCE. The growing segment reflects the rugged, outdoorsy, triathlon-bragging lifestyles of those who buy them. But unlike most of these athletes, the cars actually deliver on their tough looks.
The X-PERIENCE costs £3,000 more than its weedier Leon ST sibling and it comes with a choice of two 2-litre diesels, either a 148bhp six-speed manual or a pokier 182bhp six-speed DSG twin-clutch automatic. In the flesh it exudes a resolute robustness. Despite the fact that Seat is officially at the bottom of the Volkswagen pecking order, everything feels well put together. Corners have not been cut. It’s unexpectedly roomy inside and with the back seats folded the storage area is enormous. On the road, its extra height and the smooth, easy striding diesel make for a wonderfully fulsome ride.
My wife, who never comments on the cavalcade of cars that pass across our driveway, climbed out and said: “This is a nice car.” Praise indeed. The new Porsche 911 she drove the week before elicited nothing. Maybe Jag Man was just jealous…
Email Martin at martin.love@observer.co.uk or follow him on Twitter@MartinLove166
