Scream Queens, the Ryan Murphy-helmed horror-comedy series that revolves around the (fictional) Kappa sorority at Wallace University, looks like one of fall TV’s best offerings. Like its cable-dwelling sister American Horror Story, Scream Queens will be presented as an anthology, with each season taking on a new plot, villain, hero and narrative trajectory. In its first iteration a sorority sister goes head-to-head with the campus dean, leading to the uncovering of a murder. Scream Queens is the latest TV show or film that takes horror to school. Here’s a list of prospective (and completely fictionalised) schools you might want to avoid.
UC Sunnydale (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 1997 to 2003)
Honestly, if a college can’t tell if its students are demons (see: Buffy’s roommate, Kathy Newman – the 3,000-year-old Mok’tagar demon who disguised herself as a human), then we’re talking about a combination of both negligence and incompetence on a massive scale. Seriously, never trust a student or person who’s that chipper. They will steal someone’s soul over the course of a seminar on post-colonial theory.
Rosman University (Sorority Row, 2009)
Issues with sororities and private clubs aside, it’s not completely the school’s fault that after sorority sisters accidentally kill one of their members, another sister’s boyfriend ends up killing the guilty parties. However, it is the school’s fault that, after, the Pi House is eventually burned down during a confrontation with the killer, and also that they choose to rebuild it, and that they hired the killer as a maintenance worker. A serious overhaul of the top brass and a rethinking of the vetting process is in order.
Hearst College (Veronica Mars, 2004 to 2007)
Honestly, how Hearst College avoided being the subject of a 24-hour news cycle is as much of a mystery as its third season’s two plot points. First, Veronica begins college by investigating a serial rapist who targets victims through a safe ride program (it’s an incredibly upsetting storyline that reflects far too many issues with campus safety in real life). Then, in the season’s second half, the dean is murdered, leaving Veronica to solve it since Neptune’s police force are absolutely useless. Maybe this is why none of us know anybody who went there.
Yale (The Skulls, 2000)
Granted, Yale’s Skull and Bones society is real, but the 2000 fictionalised version of the club covers up the murder by trying to kill another student/potential Skulls member who’s determined to uncover the truth behind the secretive group. Fortunately, our hero escapes – but not before the club threatens him accordingly, and then (rather improbably) also offers him Skulls membership. Probably the worst recruitment strategy, ever.
University of Los Angeles (The Roommate, 2011)
Instead of the film’s protagonist (Sara) bunking with a demon a la Buffy, she meets Rebecca, an obsessive stalker who kills a kitten (seriously) in the dorm’s laundry room to make sure she doesn’t have to share Sara with anyone. But in addition to the university’s failed security measures, it keeps professor Roberts (played by Billy Zane) on its payroll – a man with a penchant for fedoras, scarves, and hooking up with students.
Pendleton University (Urban Legend, 2000)
This is simple: not only is the campus the site of an alleged 1973 massacre, it’s home to a serial killer who goes after students in the spirit of infamous urban legends, leaving their bodies on campus. To make matters worse, the killer is never apprehended, and is left to return to another campus where the killer begins telling the tale to a group of unsuspecting students/victims of the previous murder spree. In defence of Pendleton, the police one left a lot to be desired.
Ohio Windsor College (Scream 2, 1997)
Of course, we know what happens in Scream 2: a serial killer assumes Ghostface’s identity and goes on a stabbing spree at Ohio Windsor College – which is the same school Ms Sidney Prescott attends. But even more negligent than the lax security measures taken by the school is its refusal to protect students from the feral press who are taking the “if it bleeds, it leads” maxim to heart. Knowing Sidney is a target, no measures are put in place to make sure she’s OK, and no one even bothers to make sure she’s emotionally or mentally stable. To make matters worse for the school, the gory climax of the film takes place onstage in the campus’s theatre, officially putting an end to Ohio Windsor’s nascent theatre program.
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