In a few weeks time, Natalie Sanders-Mohammad will walk down the aisle holding her three-year-old son's hand to marry the love of her life at Crossbasket Castle in Blantyre.
But while it will be the happiest day of her life, it will also be tinged with sadness because Natalie was given months to live after being diagnosed with breast cancer 18 months ago.
Before she was diagnosed, Natalie, 29, from Coatbridge, was a healthy and happy young woman and it wasn't until one day her son brushed against her that she felt a sharp pain in her breast.
She said: "When Zeke was two, I noticed a sharp pain in one of my breasts whenever Zeke brushed against me.
"I knew from previous trips to the GP that my boobs were lumpy, but I was reassured that if the lump moved around it meant it wasn’t cancer.
"Thinking I had an inflamed cyst, I went to the doctor, who thought the same but ordered blood tests, which came back clear. But weeks later, the pain became excruciating.
"This time I was sent for a mammogram and biopsy and, finally, in October 2019, I went for an appointment with Idrees where I was told the news everyone dreads – it was breast cancer.
She added: "I laughed nervously, thinking, “I knew I wasn’t just imagining something was wrong.”
"It felt surreal, as though it was happening to somebody else when the consultant told me I had triple negative breast cancer, the most aggressive type."
Natalie had the BRCA gene, which made it much more likely that she would develop breast cancer.
She said: "I’d need a lumpectomy – surgery to remove the tumour – as well as a course of eight chemotherapy sessions and a double mastectomy with reconstructive surgery to ensure the cancer wouldn’t come back.
"It was terrifying but I stayed calm, reassured there was every reason to expect the treatment would be a success."
During her treatment, Idrees asked Natalie to marry him and of course she said yes.
She said: "One particularly bad day in January 2020, when I was lying in bed feeling exhausted after a chemo session, Idrees called me downstairs.
"Him and Zeke were both standing there, dressed up smartly in suits. In front of them was a jigsaw puzzle with a picture of us on it and the words, “Will you marry me?”
"I hurried back upstairs to get my wig, thinking, “I’m not going to be bald for my romantic proposal.” It was so special.
Because the prognosis looked hopeful, we decided we’d save up and wait a few years to marry. I pictured a snowy wedding in Switzerland surrounded by all our friends and family."
Then in the midst of Natalie's chemo treatment, the coronavirus pandemic struck and the 29-year-old's double mastectomy and all chemo sessions were cancelled.
She said: "I was terrified what this meant for my recovery but in May last year I was told the lumpectomy and the six chemo sessions had been enough.
"The cancer hadn’t spread and I was given the all clear. I was thrilled and so thankful my ordeal was over."
Despite being given the all clear, Natalie still had a niggling pain in her breast but doctors thought it was a build up of fluid which would clear in time.
But the pain worsened and by September last year, her breast felt so swollen and sore that she struggled to sleep.
More tests and a CT scan followed. And the young mum knew something was wrong when the breast cancer nurse suggested that she brought Idrees with her to the appointment the next day.
Sitting down with her consultant, Natalie said: '“I know the cancer’s back but please just tell me it’s not stage four,” I pleaded to my consultant. Her face told me all I needed to know.
"My world came crashing down. We were all in tears, me sobbing in Idrees’s arms – even the staff I’d got to know were crying. It was horrific.
"I was told I only had between six and 12 months to live. All I could think of was my son not having a mummy to look after him.
"Telling friends and family was so hard. We were back in lockdown by then so I made some difficult phone calls and, of course, there were no comforting hugs.
"I was determined to stay strong for Zeke. We agreed not to talk about cancer in front of him and concentrated on making family memories – walks and parks and zoo trips.
She added: "But when Idrees and I were alone, the tears flowed. I’d wake in the night panic-stricken at the thought of leaving him and Zeke. Idrees held me, saying, “I’m here, I’m not letting you go.”"
Immediately after the diagnosis, Idrees said he wanted the couple to get married straight away.
Natalie will marry her son Zeke's dad Idrees with the help of charity - The Wedding Wish Makers.
Kind firms have come forward offering photography, flowers, bagpipes, hair and make-up and Natalie said she's so grateful for everyone's generosity.
She added: "My lovely cousin Charlene bought me my wedding dress and a friend of my cousin’s offered us the use of Crossbasket Castle for the wedding ceremony on 8 May.
"It’s such a stunning venue, the stuff of dreams. We’ve chosen Halo sung by Ane Brun as our special song for the first dance."
But Natalie said that while she's excited for her white wedding, she's also filled with sadness.
She said: "It’s so sad to think that my loved ones who’ll be dancing at my wedding will be wearing black just a short while later. Amid the excitement of the wedding, I’ve had to be practical and plan for my funeral.
"Idrees wants to know what my wishes are and so far I’ve told him I want a Catholic service and for him to be buried with me, eventually. I’d like him to carry my coffin, too, if he feels able. I’m making notes for him.
"I’ve asked for the song You Are My Sunshine to be played. It’s something I’ve sung to Zeke since he was born. Idrees and I have talked about it and we’d both like our son to be there, but I’ll let Idrees make that call when the time comes."
The mum-of-one says it breaks her heart to think of her son without his mum.
She said: "I’m not scared of dying, but the thought of leaving my son without a mum really breaks my heart. I want him to know I’m fighting for him."
At the moment Natalie is on a new drug which she hopes will extend her life.
She said: "I’m on a newly licensed Pfizer drug called Talzenna, which I’m hoping will give me some extra time with my family. We won’t know for a while if it’s working.
She added: "I’m taking some pure cannabis oil, too, which is expensive but really helps with the pain and is hopefully fighting the cancer.
I could never have imagined I’d be planning my wedding and my funeral at the same time but I know I’m lucky to have had a good life, to have found love and a family.
- Natalie’s family has set up a Go Fund Me page to help with ongoing costs for the oil. Click here to find out more.
