A talented footballer has told of his joy and relief at being alive - a year after coming close to taking his own life.
As he marked the anniversary of his U-turn, Aaron Connolly said he now knows life is “precious and beautiful” - and insisted people need to be there for each other more than ever during the coronavirus crisis.
On April 26, 2019, the former Ayr United and Annan player stood next to a set of train tracks, planning to take his own life. But with the sound of his son’s voice ringing in his ears, he couldn’t go through with the plan.
Fast forward a year and Aaron is in a much better place. And with Covid-19 killing thousands, and his wife, NHS nurse Siobhán, working on the frontline tackling the virus, Aaron has a different perspective on life.
He said: “On April 26, 2019, I attempted suicide. On April 26, 2020, I ate pizza, watched kids’ movies with my son and laughed at the fun me and the wife had on Zoom the night before.
“Life is worth living, I promise. Remind someone today that they aren’t alone. Times are hard right now and people need to know.
“Last year, I wanted to leave this world behind and end my suffering. I’d been suffering with depression and anxiety for many years and this time enough was enough for me.
“I know that sounds selfish. I know you may struggle to understand how I could leave my family behind. That’s the power of this illness if you don’t control it. Your mind will tell you you’re worthless and the world would be a better place without you.
“This is what happened in my case. I’d had many episodes of depression over the years and also many good times. When the dark cloud returned, it pierced my soul, I couldn’t fight it again. I had been there and done that, yet despite all the work, I was feeling like this again.
“I wallowed in self-pity and self-loathing until the pain became insufferable and I decided I was going to take my life, as I no longer wanted to burden those around me with my issues.”
The 28-year-old striker - who now plays for West of Scotland League side St Roch’s and works as a team leader in finance - lives in Newton Mearns, near Glasgow, with Siobhán, 31, and their son Ruairí, four.
Aaron said: “Fortunately for myself and my family, I failed that night and I am still here a year on with the opportunity to reflect on my year of recovery.
“It’s been a rollercoaster of a year - it’s flown by but it also feels like so long ago that I stood by the train tracks.
“I have a second chance at life, to live resiliently, to move forward positively and to help others where I can. I will be forever grateful for life. It’s precious, beautiful but, of course, sometimes it’s tough - really tough.”
Aaron spent weeks in hospital after last year’s incident and the support of his loved ones got him through - but it wasn’t easy.
He added: “I felt invincible at first. I’d beaten the darkness again but this time I’d beaten my darkest days and I felt like I could really empower others to do similar.”
But Aaron said he switched off from his own feelings and “it took its toll”.
He had another “episode” in the autumn. He said: “I spoke to my wife and those around me about how I was feeling. I opened up and we worked through it. I made the mistake of not talking in April 2019 and I almost paid the ultimate price.”
In October, Aaron and Siobhán launched Time to Tackle - a therapy group providing free football, tackling poor physical and mental health,
loneliness and stigma.
Aaron said: “Running Time to Tackle gives me somewhere safe to enjoy playing football, which I love, but also to speak about anything
going on in my mind.”
