That was a good performance from Scotland, who are showing great signs of progress under Vern Cotter after the darkness of the Scott Johnson regime. How much progress? I don’t know, the much-changed All Blacks weren’t very good. Then again the lesser-changed All Blacks weren’t that good last weekend either. It is the end of their season, mind, so they’re probably all knackered.
Like the second season of Twin Peaks we’ve reached the end and learnt pretty much nothing. I hope you had fun. I had fun. Thanks for reading. Bye!
Full-time: Scotland 16-24 New Zealand
The ball is knocked on and that’s the end of that.
80 min Romano is wrapped up on his own 22 and Scotland get a scrum. Last play of the match this.
79 min New Zealand drop it in midfield and Scotland will have one last chance. There’s a half break and Brown looks to find a gap but then his offload goes to an All Black hand.
78 min Piutau chips over the top with the outside of his boot for SBW to chase, but Cusiter is back to touch it down for a 22 drop-out. Pulu comes on for Perenara at scrum-half.
Updated
77 min Free-kick to the All Blacks for an early engagement. They go for another scrum.
76 min Scotland look to drive through the middle but are pinged for accidental offside on the halfway line. I fear this match is just about done.
75 min Slade adds the extras and it’s Scotland 16-24 New Zealand.
Try! Scotland 16-22 New Zealand (Thrush 75)
10 phases and Thrush takes the pop pass and goes over from a metre out. D’oh!
73 min The All Blacks go short and win the lineout at the front. They’ve got the advantage and Slade kicks across. It’s tapped back inside well for Ben Smith and now New Zealand drive for the line...
@sirpapasmurf @DanLucas86 @AllBlacks @guardian Indeed so. Ten minutes to channel the spirit of Telfer. This is their Everest…
— Martin Pengelly (@MartinPengelly) November 15, 2014
Telfer? I prefer this one:
71 min Scotland drive through the middle around halfway but there’s no quarter from the All Blacks so through the backs they go. A poor pass comes off the legs of Maitland though and Savea chips ahead, but Hogg gets back into his 22 to defend magnificently. Laidlaw box kicks clear but New Zealand now have the lineout just outside the Scots’ 22.
70 min What a brilliant run that was from Lamont. The penalty then to Scotland, about 13m in from the left and just outside the 22. Laidlaw steps up... and slices it to the right!
68 min Scotland dither at the restart but New Zealand pile off their feet and concede a penalty. Laidlaw finds a great touch down the Scotland left, just outside the 22. They win the lineout and Lamont steps back onto his left and arcs around. He’s tackled but there’s an offside and it’s a penalty to Scotland!
66 min From the restart Sam Cane holds on to the ball on the floor after a good tackle by Rob Harley and Laidlaw will look to pull the deficit back to one point... and he does! Scotland 16-17 New Zealand.
65 min Lovely kick that. Scotland 13-17 New Zealand.
64 min The scrum takes forever, then goes down and New Zealand are awarded the penalty. It’s to the right of the sticks and Slade will have a pop at goal. Booooo!
62 min Laidlaw chips and the All Blacks recover it. They get up to the 22 then Slade chips and Scotland get the ball. They look to go wide but once again it’s slow passing and there’s no space, then Dunbar runs into the man in front of him and New Zealand have a scrum 15m from the Scotland line.
61 min Savea goes on the charge and, after he shakes off Dunbar’s challenge, it takes three men to stop him. They go through the phases but Smith knocks on. Scotland need to go wide but Weir takes it into contact. Bah!
60 min This could be suicide: Scotland continue to try and play their way out and Russell gets smothered 10m from his own line. Laidlaw eventually clears but now New Zealand have the lineout just outside Scotland’s 22. Russell is replaced by Weir.
59 min Scotland win the lineout on halfway and Dunbar charges through, but Russell has another kick charged down and the aforementioned Dunbar has to g back. Scotland retain possession but they’re pinned in their own 22 now and are going backwards.
58 min It’s a messy lineout but it gets back to Slade comfortably enough and he boots it clear.
57 min Savea goes on the charge straight away but he’s tackled and turned over! Scotland pass it right and Finn Russell sends a lovely grubber kick down into the right-hand corner. Beattie on for Ashe for Scotland. Fekitoa went off for Williams.
56 min Smart man, is James Brown (18.29): SBW and Savea on for Carter and... I’m not sure who. Slade has gone to 10 though.
55 min Piutau isn’t held in the tackle and New Zealand are bearing down on the line... but it’s spilled again and Lamont kicks clear for Maitland to chase. Piutau is back though.
This one took me a minute.
@DanLucas86 Clearly you ought to be given the bird for not adding that @AllBlacks captain and No6 is Macaw. It's a slow news day here.
— Martin Pengelly (@MartinPengelly) November 15, 2014
53 min Scotland win a lineout on their own 22 and it results in the messiest excuse for a maul you’ll ever see. Up it stays and the All Blacks get the scrum.
52 min Ashe and Hogg link up brilliantly from the scrum to burst upfield, but then Laidlaw’s chip over the top drifts out on the full. Crockett and Romano on for New Zealand, Bird and Moody off. Also for New Zealand. I’ve just realised that New Zealand’s second-row pairing was Bird and Thrush. LOL, I believe the kids say.
49 min Laidlaw is actually penalised for a crooked feed. New Zealand free-kick and now they have possession in the Scotland 22. It’s knocked on though by McCaw as he looks to tap and go. Dane Coles is on at hooker for New Zealand.
48 min McCaw decides that enough is enough and tears a hole in the Scotland defence with a diagonal charge up to the 22, but he loses possession. Scotland’s fans are as happy as Larry; New Zealand are as happy as Larry David.
47 min Finn Russell steals the ball but rushes his offload and loses it. New Zealand regain possession just short of the Scots’ 10m line.
46 min Laidlaw steps up, 15m out and slightly to the left. It’s an easy kick and it’s Scotland 13-14 New Zealand. As a bonus the PA system belts out Deacon Blue’s ‘Real Gone Kid’, which is a hell of a tune.
45 min Maitland steps through and into the 22. Advantage Scotland but they want the try. Johnny Gray offloads to Laidlaw 8m short. He’s turned over but we go back for the penalty to Scotland.
44 min Seymour steals another interception on halfway! He can’t get away but Hogg does break the line and offloads well! Now Scotland can build something, from about 32m out.
42 min Taken in by Messam and New Zealand come off the back of the maul. Fekitoa steps through but he’s wrapped up. Right they go and Crotty stabs a kick through but it’s easily covered and dotted down for a 22m drop-out by Seymour.
41 min Back underway we are and New Zealand claim the ball from the restart. They pile through the Scotland defence, the gainline treated with indifference and Dunbar is offside. Carter kicks to touch down the right and New Zealand have a lineout 10m or so from the line.
“2nd half will be very different,” says James Brown, who feels good, “with Sonny Bill and Julian Savea brought on early in the 2nd half.” That’s pretty much a cheat code, isn’t it, having those two on the bench?
Half-time: Scotland 10-14 New Zealand
From the 22, Carter slots the kick to end the half. I’m not going to patronise Scotland here, but didn’t the little lads do well, eh?
For something less egregiously offensive, John McEnerney nails it:
@DanLucas86 Big Vern has brought intensity to Scotland's game but they're up against the masters of it today! 10-15 point margin for NZ
— John McEnerney (@MackerOnTheMed) November 15, 2014
Aye (sorry). Scotland have gone all out in this game and really disrupted the All Blacks, who I think were expecting a far easier ride for some reason. I doubt that Scotland will be able to keep it up for the full 80, but this has been a very impressive half. You just wonder if it won’t come back to haunt them with the injuries they’ve suffered.
39 min New Zealand win the lineout but Gray does well to stop the drive and it’s then knocked on at the back of the maul. Scotland aren’t able to get away on the break, much to the crowd’s absolutely reasonable disappointment. Scrum to Scotland but Cross is penalised for collapsing it and Carter will look to end the half with three points.
37 min Ah Geoff Cross gets himself in front of the kicker Laidlaw. It’s well within range for Carter but he opts for touch. He finds touch, 8m from the Scotland line. Messam comes on as Vito limps off. “Hi Dan,” says Michael Konrad. “Watching the game from Sydney having got up at an ungodly hour to make it to the 24 hour sports bar. The things we do for loyalty. Scotland’s doing well against the mighty ABs.” You poor thing.
35 min Sorry, I got momentarily distracted by England’s football travails, hilarious that they are. Scotland steal another lineout and Thrush goes off his feet at the ruck, giving Scotland a shot at goal from 35m or so, just to the left of the sticks. Over it goes from Laidlaw and that’s Scotland 10-11 New Zealand.
34 min Scotland win the lineout and, after they kick ahead, Perenara’s kick is charged down! Scotland win the ball inside the New Zealand 22 but concede a penalty and Carter clears.
33 min Perenara puts the box kick up and Hogg spills it. New Zealand look to attack quickly and Carter chips over the top. Slade does excellently to force Seymour into touch.
31 min Another enforced change for Scotland as Euan Murray is replaced by Geoff Cross. In better news, Finn Russell returns for Weir. In even worse news, Carter slots his penalty from 25m wide on the left. It’s Scotland 7-11 New Zealand.
30 min Quick lineout ball and Fekitoa straightens then sears into the 22. Hands in the ruck and it’s another penalty to the All Blacks.
29 min It’s knocked on. Left go New Zealand and they’re running from deep. It comes right again and they’ve raced up to the 10m line, where they get a penalty for offside against Euan Murray.
28 min Russell is apparently having a concussion check so may well return at some point. Carter now fumbles a pass backwards, carries it back into his 22 and hammers a kick out on the full. It’s really not been his day so far and this is a great position for Scotland 15m out on the left.
26 min We’re still checking the replay. It’s very hard to tell, I don’t think you can give it. Finn Russell is going off, Duncan Weir on. Another injury for Scotland and that’s really not a big help. No try but it is a penalty to New Zealand, 22m out to left of the posts. The colossal thickos in the crowd continue to boo one of the all-time greats. The all-time great doesn’t miss and with any luck hit one of said thickos in the face with his kick. Scotland 7-8 New Zealand.
25 min Not sure how Zealand haven’t scored here. Finn Russell stands very deep and Cane charges his clearance down. The All Blacks have a massive overlap but they spread it too quickly and Fekitoa is dragged down short. Ah wait, they might have wriggled over here. We’re going to the TMO...
23 min Seymour goes for the interception again on halfway. He’s very close but misses out and Crotty bursts into the gap. Too close to the touchline though and the centre gets dragged into touch.
“Hi Dan,” begins Robin Hazelhurst. “In the pub as per usual so will read your full commentary tomorrow. We got kicked into the corner with the small screen by the wendyballers but blimey, go Scotland! Even in Welsh shirts.”
22 min We’re a quarter of the way through the match and Scotland lead the All Blacks. According to maths, they will win this by eight points. They’re in trouble here though as they look to run it from their own 22 and Hogg gets scragged. Laidlaw clears though.
20 min Quick hands from New Zealand and Piutau tip-toes down the line. He flings it back inside to no one in particular and, though New Zealand gather, they go off their feet and Scotland get a penalty. Has anyone ever told Brian Moore that you’re supposed to enjoy watching rugby?
19 min Carter and Maitland exchange kicks and... well that’s it actually.
18 min New Zealand get the free-kick at the scrum. Vito takes it quickly but it’s spilled again and Hogg spots a gap! He runs out of his 22 and kicks ahead, then wraps up the fielding Ben Smith very nicely.
17 min Adam Ashe picks it up at the base of the scrum and immediately drops it. Are we watching the England match again?
15 min New Zealand attack from the scrum but Dan Carter looks to offload in the tackle and knocks on. Two missed kicks and now this. The guy’s never going to make it.
14 min Mistake now by Seymour as Ben Smith fields Laidlaws deflected kick over the top and kicks to Seymour’s wing. The Glasgow wing takes his eye of the ball and knocks on on his own 10m line.
13 min McCaw was careless there and got his comeuppance. Mark Bennett has picked up an injury, which is sad news. Sean Lamont comes on at outside centre.
“I’ll take the money,” says Simon McMahon, “but my wife, who sometimes reads the MBM, is hotter than Beyoncé so will pass on the date.” Who said it was for you?
Try! Scotland 7-5 New Zealand (Seymour + Laidlaw con)
Ha! New Zealand pass it along the line and McCaw tries a cute offload out the back of his hand. Seymour picks it and sprints clear from 40m.
10 min That was actually a really poor tackle by Dunbar on Vito. Dan’s top coaching tip: you probably shouldn’t make things easy for the All Blacks. Carter just misses from the touchline.
Try! Scotland 0-5 New Zealand (Vito 10)
And left it goes again. Vito picks it up 40m from the line, sells a dummy and the number eight charges through two tackles and gets to the line easy as you like.
Updated
9 min Lovely hands from New Zealand and Piutau makes ground down the left. The ball comes back the other way and McCaw spills it but back it goes.
8 min From 35m, out to the right of the posts, New Zealand’s exciting young spark Dan Carter steps up amid the boos and pulls his kick wide.
6 min Slade pops up with the ball in midfield and makes some ground. Left it goes then back inside and New Zealand are making great progress here, but then Russell makes a great tackle and wins the ball for Scotland. They hold on though and New Zealand get a penalty.
5 min Down goes the scrum and it’s a penalty to New Zealand. Listening to Brian Moore talk about the technicalities of the scrum only enforces my view that scrums are the most boring thing in rugby.
4 min Scotland turn it over but New Zealand knock on and the home side have a scrum on the All Blacks’ 22. “Evening Dan.” Evening, Simon McMahon. “Like Jay-Z, I sense history in the making. Not a Scotland win, I’m not stupid, but how about the highest scoring draw ever seen in international rugby? Scotland 50 New Zealand 50 has a certain ring to it, don’t you think?” If that’s the score I will give you as much money as Jay Z has. And organise a date with Beyonce while I’m at it.
3 min Scotland win the lineout and go through the phases, crabbing across the pitch. They’re up to the 22 now.
2 min Penalty Scotland as Faumuina is accused of collapsing the scrum by Romain Poite. It’s booted to touch 30m from the New Zealand line on the left.
1 min Here we go then. Scotland, playing in red, get an early scrum as New Zealand knock on just over the Scots’ 10m line. This is amazing, the scrum simply doesn’t move and the ball simply sits in the middle with neither hooker actually hooking.
I can see Alan Smith from here. He’s looking as though he’s concentrating very hard and not tweeting about this match.
New Zealand doing their dance at Murrayfield. Here's what it used to be like https://t.co/NYOKVfNZQZ
— Alan Smith (@alansmith90) November 15, 2014
If you’re not a fan of token international sporting events, these kinds of total non-events, pointless grandstanding positing itself as a sporting contest and zero people seeing through the sham, then why not try Jacob Steinberg’s MBM of England v Slov- oh, right.
Well this is embarrassing.
29 - The @AllBlacks' unbeaten run against @Scotlandteam (W29 D2) is the longest ever of its kind in tier one Test rugby. Bludgeoned.
— OptaJonny (@OptaJonny) November 15, 2014
Of course there is a great history between these two teams. The Scots and the All Blacks are natural enemies. Like Englishmen and Scots. Or Welshmen and Scots. Or Japanese and Scots. Or Scots and other Scots. Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!
“Maybe you should only use the ‘Key Event’ button [that’s the one we use to denote tries that makes things come up in orange] for every third try?” parps my colleague Niall McVeigh.
So what does this mean?
That boy needs therapy.
Come on, Scotland fans, excite me about this one. What do you mean that’s my job?
Preamble
Evening folks. While we can’t be entirely certain what’s going to happen tonight we can make a reasonable assumption that one of two things will. But then regardless which of those things happens, we are unlikely to really know what it means. For if Scotland play well and run the All Blacks close, or even win (ah ha, ha ha, ha) then New Zealand will point to a side that has made 15 changes, two of them positional, from their last match, a captain playing at blindside flanker for the first time ever and their lynchpin fly-half making his first start of the year. Should they dish out a shellacking though and... well, it’s Scotland against the All Blacks; what did you think was going to happen?
Do New Zealand have absurd strength in depth? Yes, but this game is unlikely to be any kind of indication of it. Are Scotland an improved side under Vern Cotter? Almost certainly yes, but this match is very unlikely to tell us how much by.
I’d love to see Scotland do it, I really would. Making this many changes for a Test match is really taking the piss a bit by New Zealand. It feels dismissive, disrespectful. Looking at the All Blacks’ team it’s still a mighty one. It would still beat every other side on the planet nine times out of ten. But come on guys, at least pretend you’re taking this seriously. Here’s what Steve Hansen had to say about his opposite number Cotter:
It’s becoming the norm. They’ve had New Zealand coaches over here for a long time, so it’s become the norm to be facing a Kiwi somewhere – whether it’s in the team or in the coaching staff – which is good, I guess, for world rugby but not so good for us because a lot of good people are taking the opportunity. But good on them.
And when asked if Cotter might have an insight into the workings off the All Black team:
Well, he’s never coached the All Blacks and he’s been out of the country for eight years so I’m not sure how much insight he’s really got. “Being part of the All Blacks when you first come in is pretty daunting – it takes a little bit of time to understand and get a feel for what’s actually happening – so I always find it reasonably amusing when people say that.
Come on Scotland. It’s never going to happen, not in a million years, but what the wider rugby world wouldn’t give for you to wipe that patronising smugness right off Hansen’s face.
Kick-off is at 5.30pm. Here are your teams:
Scotland: 15 Stuart Hogg, 14 Sean Maitland, 13 Mark Bennett, 12 Alex Dunbar, 11 Tommy Seymour, 10 Finn Russell, 9 Greig Laidlaw (captain); 1 Alasdair Dickinson, 2 Ross Ford, 3 Euan Murray, 4 Richie Gray, 5 Jonny Gray, 6 Rob Harley, 7 Blair Cowan, 8 Adam Ashe.
Replacements: 16 Fraser Brown, 17 Gordon Reid, 18 Geoff Cross, 19 Tim Swinson, 20 Johnnie Beattie, 21 Chris Cusiter, 22 Duncan Weir, 23 Sean Lamont.
New Zealand: 15 Ben Smith, 14 Colin Slade, 13 Malakai Fekitoa, 12 Ryan Crotty, 11 Charles Piutau, 10 Dan Carter, 9 TJ Perenara; 1 Joe Moody, 2 James Parsons, 3 Charlie Faumuina, 4 Jeremy Thrush, 5 Dominic Bird, 6 Richie McCaw (captain), 7 Sam Cane, 8 Victor Vito.
Replacements: 16 Dane Coles, 17 Wyatt Crockett, 18 Ben Franks, 19 Luke Romano, 20 Liam Messam, 21 Augustine Pulu, 22 Sonny Bill Williams, 23 Julian Savea.
Dan will be here shortly. In the meantime have a read of Mike Averis’s preview:
The rest of the world of rugby, with the exception of South Africa and possibly Australia and England every blue moon, got an idea where it stood when the All Blacks announced their side to play Scotland at Murrayfield on Saturdayevening. Only two of the starting side which beat Engand by the most comfortable of three-point margins run out against Scotland.
There is no Conrad Smith, Israel Dagg, Sonny Bill Williams, Julian Savea, no Jerome Kaino, no Kieran Read – in fact only Ben Smith and the captain Richie McCaw keep their places. However, Dan Carter is back for his first start of the season and no one has any doubt that the side which has been the planet’s best since the 2011 World Cup will beat Scotland.
