Scotland's Euro 2008 qualifying campaign

Alex McLeish is in good shape for a 48-year-old, isn't he? Well, at least when Marc Nicholls's Photoshopping hands get hold of him, anyway. Photograph: x

"Scotland need to bring in a big man to polish off the Italians," chuckles Mick Doyle. Photograph: x

"Use oeuf écossais morning and night," chirps up Dan Norton, whose French grammar is perfect, "it might just save your skin." Photograph: x

"It is said by some that Munch's Scream symbolises the human species overwhelmed by an attack of existential angst, but then again he wasn't unlucky enough to be born Scottish," says an inspired Michael McGrath. Photograph: x

There's nothing like a few national stereotypes, is there Ian Shine? "Much like a night down the pub in Glasgow, Scotland's campaign began with bravado and will end up with a kicking from someone with a bigger reputation." Photograph: x

Neil reckons Alex will be getting the beers in, should Scotland qualify. Photograph: x

All this 'will they, won't they' action reminds Tommer Spence of a certain sitcom. Photograph: x

"Get win. Get out. Get even (on points with France, anyway)," giggles David Broome. Photograph: x

"Alright, alright so I'm Scottish and Rab C Nesbitt is my only role model in life," banters Sparky McManus. Photograph: x

Amazingly enough, Joseph Duca's effort was the only effort to mention Braveheart ... Photograph: x

... apart from this one. "Just one more fight and we're good," cries Vincent Bosc, who clearly thinks sausages on sticks are deadly weapons. Photograph: x

John Barry has finally figured out where James McFadden gets his goal celebrations from. Photograph: x

"After scoring the winner," trumpets Chris McMillan, "McFadden showed the French that it's not just football we're better at." Photograph: x

"I could make a joke about the blind leading the blind, but I won't." Sounds like you just did, Howard Jones. Photograph: x

Ian Hudson has been hard at work designing a special Swiss army knife for Scotland's campaign. Photograph: x

"You've got to question Scotland's bottle," says David Rees, who should know Irn Bru is not a drink to be questioned. Photograph: x