Name: Tom Hanks.
Age: 59.
Appearance: Ordinary American guy, but with way more awards.
Occupation: Actor, director, producer, glovefinder general.
I’m not familiar with that last job title. Is it an honorary thing? More self-appointed. For a while now, Hanks has made it his business to tweet photos of lost or abandoned items – mostly gloves, but also shoes, socks and anything else he spots on the ground.
At the risk of sounding stupid, why does he do that? It’s unclear, but it obviously brings him joy. “Who loses a sock?” he tweeted recently. “How do you drop a sock? Hanx.”
Who loses a sock? I mean, how do you drop a sock? Hanx pic.twitter.com/7KXtTi2KOc
— Tom Hanks (@tomhanks) March 16, 2016
I imagine someone was just carrying some laundry home. Don’t spoil it for him. “Cold hand somewhere! Hanx,” he wrote, under a pic of a glove at the base of a fence.
Does he sign every tweet “Hanx” like that? Yes, he does.
Does he not know that we know it’s him every time? We should probably assume he’s aware of that.
Each tweet is clearly labelled @tomhanks, alongside a picture of Tom Hanks. And there’s one of those little tick marks, so you know it’s not an impostor. Maybe he just likes signing off with Hanx.
It’s actually quite confusing, because it makes you think the tweet is from someone called Han, who’s a bit overfamiliar. Let’s get back to the lost objects.
Fine. What earthly purpose does his strangely Gumpian pastime serve? Six months ago, he managed to reunite a Fordham University student with her ID after he found it in the park.
Mitten? Shoe? Hat? Don't know, but it was lost @ 70th and B'way. Hanx pic.twitter.com/RJ1lkOIDzX
— Tom Hanks (@tomhanks) March 6, 2016
How did he do that? He tweeted a pic of it and wrote: “Lauren! I found your student ID in the park. If you still need it my office will get it to you. Hanx.”
And that worked? Of course – Hanks has 11.6 million followers. “I got an email with a link to Twitter that said: ‘You’re famous,’” Lauren told the TV programme Good Morning America.
I wonder what this world is coming to, when people who misplace things become famous. It’s really about how famous Hanks is.
And how he always looks down while he walks. Yes, that, too.
Do say: “Really appreciate it, Tom, but I bought another pair on the way home.”
Don’t say: “Hanx, any sign of my lost Spanx? Thanx.”
