Stag
9pm, BBC2
A City-boy stag do in the Scottish Highlands descending into total carnage doesn’t sound that unusual. But even the most dedicated reveller would probably draw the line at a harpoon through the midriff. In episode two of this blackly comic horror-thriller from the minds behind The Wrong Mans, onesie-wearing groom Johnners (Stephen Campbell Moore), smarmy best man Ledge (JJ Feild) and beta male brother-in-law Ian (Jim Howick) attempt to evade their mystery attacker by heading for a remote phone box. Graeme Virtue
The Voice UK
7pm, BBC1
It’s shaping up to be a good year for The Voice, with Boy George and Paloma Faith bringing cackling charm to the panel. Now comes the final round of the Battles. Usually, this involves the singers trying to honk each other off the stage like angry geese, but this year has seen a higher standard of performance and a more subtle showcasing of talents. By the end of the night, each coach will have whittled down their group to eight singers who’ll then go through to the Knockouts next week. Hannah Verdier
Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway
7pm, ITV
With new segment Who Shot Simon Cowell? – apparently scripted by Broadchurch creator Chris Chibnall – it feels as if Ant and Dec have landed on something special: a heightened, absurd whodunnit as richly populated with famous faces as one of their charity telethons. Beyond the goofy murder mystery, there’s Almost Famous star Kate Hudson on voiceover duty, omnivore survivalist Bear Grylls getting pranked and music from nu-soul queen Jess Glynne. GV
Penelope Keith’s Hidden Villages
8pm, Channel 4
Another chance to see the concluding episode of the actor’s latest factual series, originally broadcast on More4. As she explores the South Downs, Sussex and Kent, there’s a chance to meander through an English country garden, learn the history behind Biddenden’s unusual signage and watch a cricket bat-maker at work. And despite the occasional, plummy cry of “how quintessentially British!” and a trip to the home of the imperialist Rudyard Kipling, her brand of patriotism is more National Trust than Nigel Farage. Hannah J Davies
Trapped
9pm, BBC4
We return to Seyðisfjörður as the weather breaks, and an investigation team travel in from Reykjavík to interview dazed-looking torso thief Sigurður. Various cases closed? Of course not. Even as Trausti pressures the harbourmaster for a confession, it’s clear Andri’s mustachioed frenemy is taking short cuts. The antecedents of Trapped (Fargo, The Killing) may be clear, but it’s still terrific TV: taut, atmospheric and blessed with a charismatic lead in the John-Grant-meets-Orson-Welles shape of Olafur Darri Olafsson. Jonathan Wright
Guy Martin’s Spitfire
8pm, More4
It is 80 years to the day since Spitfire prototype K5054 took off for the first time from Eastleigh aerodrome. This documentary, first shown on Channel 4, follows the exhumation of one of its less fortunate successors – a Mark 1 Spitfire that was shot down in 1940 over the shores of northern France, where it was consumed by sand over subsequent decades before being dug up in the 1980s and shunted into storage. The likably guileless motorcycle racer Guy Martin joins what has been a two-year project to rebuild the aircraft. Andrew Mueller
Dylan Moran: Like, Totally
11pm, GOLD
A 10-year-old set from the stand-up who combines an Izzardian sense of the surreal with the Bukowski-esque misanthropy of a Doug Stanhope. Subjects – some now rather dated – range from the German language (“It sounds like typewriters eating tinfoil being kicked down the stairs”), to fruit (“Nobody likes fruit; it’s got stones in it, what’s the point?”) and, naturally, religion (“You will notice that the kind of people who turn to Jesus tend to be the sort who haven’t done that well with everybody else”). Ali Catterall
Film Choice
Notorious
(Alfred Hitchcock, 1946) 2.05pm, BBC2
This sophisticated thriller has charmer Cary Grant locked in a subtly sadomasochistic affair with a sexy, alcoholic Ingrid Bergman. The plot also concerns a devious Nazi (Claude Rains) and secret uranium shipments, but the skullduggery pales in comparison with the Grant-Bergman “romance”. Paul Howlett
Avatar
(James Cameron, 2009) 5.40pm, Film4
Hang on to your sofas, here’s James Cameron’s famously 3D space epic. This Pocahontas tale writ large stars Sam Worthington as a paraplegic space marine who, through avatar technology, gets to run, fly, fight and schmooze with the inhabitants of Pandora. It’s an exhilarating ride, even if the story and characters remain entirely 2D. PH
Mallrats
(Kevin Smith, 1995) 9pm, W
Smith’s follow-up to his indie hit Clerks has a bigger budget, real stars (including Ben Affleck), cult cameos (like Spider-Man co-creator Stan Lee) and the same low-rent, irresistibly prurient sense of humour. It follows a bunch of dreary, depressed kids around a suburban mall, their lives all sex, pop and shops. PH
Today’s best live sport
Scottish Cup Football: Rangers v Dundee
The quarter-final from Ibrox. 12noon, Sky Sports 2
Premier League Football: Tottenham Hotspur v Arsenal
A more than usually significant north London derby. 12noon, BT Sport 1
Premiership Rugby Union: Saracens v Northampton Saints
The top-flight encounter at Allianz Park. 3pm, BT Sport 1
Premier League Football: Watford v Leicester City
The Foxes dream on at Vicarage Road. 5pm, Sky Sports 1
