Just when you thought there wasn’t possibly a skill left in the universe that hadn’t been given the reality show treatment, Glow Up: Britain’s Next Make-Up Star landed on BBC3 to prove us all wrong.
And we must have surely loved it because it’s back. It’s the makeup contest that answers the question: “Can we make applying lip liner fascinating?”
Stacey Dooley is the excitable host, hired presumably because of her reputation to connect with the ‘yoof’.
The average contestant is a 20-year-old who spends most of their time experimenting with eye shadow in their bedroom.
The ten makeup artists, aka MUAs, take on assignments hoping to bag a big makeup assistant contract.
Of course, every good reality show needs unnecessarily harsh judges and RuPaul Drag Race levels of bitchiness and sass. This one obliges.
Dominic Skinner, he of the twirly moustache, is not afraid to hammer home his opinion, while Val Skinner gives off terrifying Meryl Streep in Devil Wears Prada vibes.
Occasionally if she gets excited, she will yell “Ding dong!” for reasons only known to her.
“She could literally spit on me and I’d say thank you,” declared 22-year-old Berny, winner of challenge one.
They had to do the makeup for sports retailer JD’s Christmas ad campaign, adding flashes of gold and silver.
Guest judge Min Sandhu was horrified by one effort. “When you put silver in someone’s brows it just makes them look like Santa Clause.”
“Next time you’re given a brief, stick to it,” blasted Val to the losers. What a scary world makeup artists must live in.
Later they had to create makeup on their own faces that reflects who they are.
Someone started sticking a row of paintbrushes to their head, while elsewhere a girl turned herself into an alien with putty. “Is she mad!?” bitched the judges, watching in the background like a couple of giggling schoolgirls.
Then one by one they all had to step forward to be judged. Someone got a “Ding dong”, a saucier version of a Hollywood Handshake, others were shouted at.
“Are you taking this seriously?” Dominic asked Jake, the 19-year-old who spent the whole time trying not to stab any of the models with his two-inch nails.
The nails will be gone by next week - Jake’s talons were read their final rights.
Then Ashley was sent home after having the audacity to do a reverse ombre (no, me neither).
She had earlier panicked: “If I go out first round, my friends will call me ‘first round’ for the rest of my life.” So I guess her days were numbered.
But by the end, I realised I’m fascinated by the astonishing makeup creations and lashings of high drama. It’s an angsty, youthful show that certainly glows.
