In a minor distraction from the mind-boggling US election and Lockdown 2: Countdown To Christmas, celebrities vomited over the side of a boat for our viewing pleasure.
Who doesn’t want to see Corrie’s Craig Charles suffering at both ends behind a flimsy piece of tarp?
Don’t Rock The Boat, on ITV every night this week, felt like an I’m A Celebrity warm-up act with no bugs.
Twelve celebrities were “pushed to the limit!” and “taken out of their comfort zone!” as they joined a colossal 650-mile race to row the length of Britain.
At every stage they also faced terrifying land-based challenges to win a night of comfort for their team – a posh hotel bed and fluffy dressing gown for the winners, a tent in a soggy field for the losers.
The team members’ support for each other slowly gave way to in-fighting and accusations as exhaustion set it. Freddie Flintoff and AJ Odudu did the job of double-act hosts, gently mocking and vaguely supporting from the sidelines.
On the Red Team were Craig Charles, supermodel Jodie Kidd, pop star Fleur East, actor Adam Thomas, Olympic cyclist Victoria Pendleton and former politician Tom Watson.
On the Blue Team were Olympian Denise Lewis, YouTuber Joe Weller, Love Island winner Jack Fincham, Corrie’s Lucy Fallon, The Chase’s Shaun Wallace and Pussycat Doll Kimberly Wyatt.
Personality clashes led to playground bickering, with division in the ranks between super competitive athletic types like Victoria, Denise and Jodie, and the more “in it for the laughs” Jack and Craig.
Victoria fainted on day one but she still blasted Craig for not being good enough and putting her off her stride with all the puking (to be fair, it was quite distracting).
He said she made the atmosphere toxic.
I felt most sorry for Jack, stuck between overly-Disney Kimberly spewing positivity and hardcore Denise who was “disappointed” in him for not pulling his weight.
Bless him, he talked too much and got distracted by seals, then got a telling-off from guest rower James Cracknell.
“Who took the jam out of your doughnut?” muttered Jack, my absolute hero.
The Blues may not have won the race but they did win all the hotel stays. I know which team I’d rather have been on. Who needs a Golden Oar anyway?
So what did we all learn this week? That athletes are impressive but not remotely good company and TV stars are much more fun to watch.
Without Joe’s shameless flirting with Lucy, Adam’s infectious laughter or the bromances between Jack and Shaun, and Craig and Tom, this show wouldn’t have found its sea legs.
A rocky start gave way to addictive entertainment that floated my boat.
