Sammy Lee

"This was just too obvious," admits Laurence as he unveils Big Sam's miniature, slightly defective clone. Photograph: Public domain

Rejoice Gallery veterans - Lord Leaburn is back and he's brought his old-school easel with him. "'Going down, sir?' quips Droopy Sam to Porky Lee." Photograph: Public domain

"There's something about Sammy Lee which leaves interviewers unable to ask those really searching questions," ponders Ian Arscott. Photograph: Public domain

Despite Sammy boasting the surname "Lee", Howard Jones doesn't believe his kung-fu skills are good enough to keep Bolton up. Photograph: Public domain

David Ellis has the first of our inevitable sack races. "Little Sam's bounded back in front, but can he hold off Martin Jol?" Photograph: Public domain

Rich Yates fears our hero's obsession with "entertainment" has got out of hand. Photograph: Public domain

Ian Hudson is certain Sammy's the only man who can take Bolton down. Photograph: Public domain

"The Alan Curbishley School of Crap Managers offers classes such as 'How to Start the Season in Last Place'," explain Connor and Alyssa Clang. "As well as 'How to Forget Where the Goal Is', and 'Horrific Trades 101.'" Photograph: Public domain

"My entry is called Little Sam, and is in no way related to the 'brilliant' 2006 'comedy' Little Man," lies Clem Halpin. "It was inspired by Sammy's ability to look both young and old at the same time. And also by his ability to appear totally out of his depth despite a wealth of coaching experience." Photograph: Public domain

We're back on the track, and it looks like Morgan Roberts has our hero out in front too... Photograph: Public domain

... John Leonard, on the other hand, thinks it's quite simply a one-sack race. Photograph: Public domain

"Resistance is futile," warns Thomas Thompson after unveiling his new Sammy Borg (complete with upgraded earpiece). "As is any attempt to make Bolton play attractive football." Photograph: Public domain

Roy Ward laments the fact it's never as funny once comedians go solo. Photograph: Public domain

John O'Reilly's not sure Sammy can plug the dam for long. Photograph: Public domain

"A spot of turbulence ahead for Captain Kevin Nolan and his crew," chortles Vina Paddy. "Although they can expect to be landing in the Championship a little earlier than expected." Photograph: Public domain