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)As Samia Goudie watched events unfold over recent weeks, she shared in the rage felt by Australian women incited by the story of Brittany Higgins and others like her.
When she heard rallies were being organised, calling for an end to sexual violence, she was compelled to join, despite suffering from a disability that makes it hard for her to walk.
"A friend joked about getting a wheelchair and putting placards on it," she said.
But she soon came to realise that she would be running the risk of triggering her own traumatic memories of an alleged sexual assault, now decades old but no less raw.
"My first reaction is, of course I'll be there.
"But emotionally for me, I looked and went, there'd be a whole day, I'd be exhausted, I'd probably get triggered, most likely feel depressed and struggle for the rest of the week to come out of that."
Ms Goudie, a queer Bundjalung woman who grew up in Canberra, was just a child when she says she was first sexually assaulted.
Now aged 61, she said she was regularly assaulted over a nine-year period.
She later became a runaway and entered the juvenile justice system, during which time she claims she was again sexually assaulted by a different person.
Decades later, she decided to take action and try to bring her alleged abusers to justice by contacting the police.
There began several months of investigation, but inevitably, after so many years, no charges were brought.
The impact on Ms Goudie was devastating.
"I was just left going, I don't know what I'm meant to do," she said.
"And probably about three weeks later I attempted suicide and ended up in a local hospital."
In the years since, she has found ways to cope, but the pain easily resurfaces.
"It's very easy to end up angry and hurt and disappointed and betrayed," she said.
Increase in calls for help since rallies
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)On Monday, thousands marched around Australia, calling for an end to violence against women.
The demonstrations also called for the government to respond to a 12-month-old report by the Australian Human Rights Commission, which examined the nature and prevalence of sexual harassment in Australian workplaces.
That afternoon and overnight, Canberra's Domestic Violence Crisis Service (DVCS) saw a spike in contacts from people seeking help and advice.
Ms Goudie said systemic change was needed.
"It's not just calling for justice, it's actually demanding that there are changes to the system that's meant to give justice," she said.
Ms Goudie said she believed she was not alone among survivors in feeling like she couldn't attend the March 4 Justice.
"I wouldn't be the only one today who's gone, shall I or shan't I go?" she said.
"I really feel passionate about this and totally support it, but for my own wellbeing I can't do it, I'll have to find other ways to address this issue without going to a march."
