Samantha Bee
Samantha Bee returned to Full Frontal on Wednesday night with harsh words for Americans who refuse to wear masks in public to prevent the spread in coronavirus. “As Covid-19 cases rise across the country, many states are also fighting another tragic medical condition known as being a fucking idiot,” Bee said, pointing to footage of packed parties in Diamond Lake, Michigan, and crowded beaches in San Diego.
“People avoiding masks and ignoring social distancing hasn’t just contributed to a rise in a deadly disease, it’s also done something far worse: pissed off the nicest man on earth,” Bee said before playing a clip of Tom Hanks, who urged Americans to wear masks and reflected dourly: “I don’t know how common sense has somehow been put into question in regards to this.”
Bee had an answer to that: “Many people on the right claim that wearing masks is a violation of their constitutional freedom, and some men feel that wearing them is emasculating and a sign of weakness,” she explained. “In fact, men are less likely to wear masks than women, leading some to view them as the condom of the face – which makes sense, because the ones I use glow in the dark and feature an off-brand Bart Simpson.”
The situation is especially tragic as masks, or the refusal thereof, have been twisted into a culture war by Trump and other Republican politicians who have pointedly refused to wear masks in public despite direct guidance from federal public health agencies. “Masks should not be a culture war,” Bee said. “It would be great if we could just get conservatives to wear masks that say shit like ‘my other mask is a gun,’ or ‘I drive trucks and eat ass and I’m all out of trucks.’ They could save lives and, more importantly, let people know what happens when they’re all out of trucks.”
Stephen Colbert
Masks are still the best bet for minimizing the virus, according to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) director, Dr Robert Redfield, who said in a web call on Tuesday that “if we could get everyone to wear a mask right now I really do think over the next four to six weeks we could get this epidemic under control”.
“Super, so all we have to do is show some discipline,” responded Stephen Colbert on Wednesday’s Late Show. “Shouldn’t be a problem for the country that invented hot dog bites pizza.”
The rising case numbers across numerous southern and western states are reflecting poorly on the administration, Colbert continued, which might explain why this week it demanded coronavirus data be sent to the administration rather than the CDC in Atlanta. It’s clear, Colbert said, that “Trump doesn’t want us to know what the real coronavirus numbers are. He knows he’s failed – he’s just like a kid grabbing his report card out of the mailbox before anyone can see it. But we’re gonna figure out how bad he’s doing when we all have to make coffins in shop class.”
Trevor Noah
As the pandemic rages, Donald and Ivanka go all in on Goya, while Mary Trump starts spilling the beans on her uncle. pic.twitter.com/LqXo1GXNsH
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) July 16, 2020
On the Daily Show, Trevor Noah mocked the Trump administration’s “beanpocalypse”, kicked off by Ivanka Trump after she posted a highly meme-able photo of herself holding a can of Goya beans with the caption “if it’s Goya, it has to be good” in English and Spanish. The tweet declaring loyalty to Goya follows online uproar after the company’s CEO praised the president during a White House conference, and potentially broke ethics laws on the president’s daughter promoting any product, business or enterprise.
“OK, that news is shocking – there are still ethics laws?” joked Noah. Even worse, Trump followed up with a Goya photo of his own at his desk in the White House. “I mean, I’m glad the president is using his desk for probably the first time in months, but come on guys – you’ve got to admit, this is pretty embarrassing,” Noah said. “The dude doesn’t look like a president, he looks like a local athlete who retired 15 years ago and is desperate for money.
“Seriously, this shit looks like the end of The Shining if the movie was sponsored by bodegas.”
Seth Meyers
And on Late Night, Seth Meyers responded to Trump’s latest “speech” – more of a political ramble – in the White House Rose Garden earlier this week. The coronavirus pandemic – “you know, the ongoing crisis that has left the country in ruins,” said Meyers – barely came up. “He basically ignored it. That’s like the fire department showing up to a burning house just to sell you their new calendar.”
Given the onslaught of ominous news – 28 million Americans face eviction, unemployment twice as high as the worst of the recession, schools potentially not reopening in the fall – “it is impossible to watch what is unfolding right now under this administration and avoid the conclusion that America is in freefall”, Meyers added.
There’s also the risk of regular flu season dovetailing with another wave of coronavirus in the fall and winter. “Think about all of these simultaneous crises colliding at once, and how much preventable misery that would release on the country,” Meyers said. “The only way 2020 could get any worse is if Washington’s football team changed their name to the Jeffrey Epsteins.”
Yet despite the risks, Trump has insisted that all schools reopen, which Meyers understood, to a point. “We all want schools to reopen,” he said, but used a recent interaction with his young son to illustrate the issue. “The other day my son said, ‘I want to go outside,’ and I said, ‘There’s a lightning storm,’ and he said, ‘But I want to.’ And I said ‘it’s not safe,’ and he said ‘I don’t care about safety I want to!’ And I said, ‘Oh my God, this is like talking to the president about reopening schools.”
